


Three times too many

by DarkCrystalFlower, NightLily97



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Double B, M/M, Smut, Trauma, Yunchan, junhwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:55:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 41,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22653589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkCrystalFlower/pseuds/DarkCrystalFlower, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightLily97/pseuds/NightLily97
Summary: Song Yunhyeong doesn't have much luck with relationships.He tried once.He tried twice.When his third relationship fails as well, he moves to a different place in hopes to start anew and forget his messed up past.But once he encounters a college student named Jung Chanwoo, there's a hope for a forth chance.Forth and final.Is Chanwoo the guy Yunhyeong waited for all this time?
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jinhwan, Jung Chanwoo/Song Yunhyeong, Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 63
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> After finishing with the 'Troublemakers' series, I thought I'd take a small break, but I had this story lying around and I kinda wanted to post it.  
> It needs a rewrite and I'm working on it, so please be patient!
> 
> The boys just made a comeback and their new album is 🔥!  
> I didn't expect any less from them or our leader Kim Hanbin.
> 
> Like always, I always include the others as characters as well. Hanbin too. But the main focus will be on YunChan.  
> They deserve more love ☹️
> 
> Currently, updates will be uploaded every Monday until I finish rewriting.  
> Hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think ❤️

**Yunhyeong's POV**

  
I closed my eyes as I heard another crash, wondering to myself when he’ll finally run out of things to break.   
It's been like this for the past 20 minutes and I have no idea for how long it is going to last.   
Just because I came back a bit late today…   
  
I sighed deeply, looking at the time on my phone.   
I called the police over an hour ago, where are they? It feels like it’s been forever since I walked out to the corridor just to avoid the mess in our apartment.   
Well, **my** apartment.   
  
I got into a relationship about three years ago. Everything was going really well, but…   
Things slowly changed.   
He became more impatient, more rough, more...mad.   
He started snapping at every little thing I did, at everything I said. I couldn’t understand the sudden change in his behavior, and I stayed only because I care about him. Because I knew he won’t manage if I leave.   
  
_“I just don’t learn, do I…?”_

I sighed and hugged my legs tightly, looking at the dark corridor.   
I was sticky from the juice which was spilled on me earlier and the pain in the left side of my face finally became noticeable. For how much longer do I need to wait?

The only reason I'm out here is because I'm too scared to walk back in there. What will he do if I try?   
He'll curse me. Again.  
He'll yell at me. Again.   
He'll threaten me. Again.   
He'll hit me. Again.   
  


How long has it been since the first time he hit me? Months? Years?   
How long it's been since we had a proper talk? Since we went on a proper date?   
How long it's been since I actually felt happy in this relationship and not like I live in a prison? 

Everything felt like a blur.   
  


Since he first approached me and until now, all I've been doing was trying my best to make this relationship work. We both were.   
But at some point, after all the fun and sweet dates, his kind behavior disappeared and I ended up holding both of us alone.   
I gave him money when he asked. I always cooked for him so he won't be hungry. I worked hard to support us. I paid for the bills. I gave him a place to stay...

I did everything I could. 

So why isn't it enough? What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to sit in this dark corridor, crying, while he continued blaming me I'm not enough?   
  


I was never enough. 

Not for the first one. 

Not for the second one. 

Now for him…   
  


I started sobbing, burying my face in my knees. What am I going to do now? My place is a mess and I don't have anywhere else to go to.   
My parents live too far away for me to go there now. Burdening my friend at this hour might be too much but I really think that's my only option. I have no one else to ask for help from. I don't have any relatives in the area and I didn't want to worry them more than they already were. 

But…

Can I really leave him? 

I do care about him. I do worry about him. It's been a while since I had the time to think about anything but him.   
He rarely allowed me to go out, and when I did, he didn't stop texting and calling me, asking me where I am, demanding I'll get home already. 

In the most messed up way, I had no one but him at this moment.   
  


I was about to get up when I heard something fall from the other side of the door.   
He yelled, cursing me again, calling me worthless like he's been doing for the past two years, calling me a whore like he's been doing for the past year and a half, yelling and threatening me like he's been doing until now…  
  
I hesitated.   
The second I open this door, what would happen? 

  
  
  
The police arrived after another 30 minutes.   
I've been wondering what I should do, if to get in or stay outside. I couldn't bring myself to call anyone at this point but the police to ask if something is coming or not.   
When they approached me, I tried to explain to them with a shaky voice what happened in hope there will be something they can do. They were my only hope right now since I couldn't confront him. I couldn't kick him out.   
I just couldn't… 

  
But unfortunately, there was nothing they could do either.   
We aren't family or related in any way. He didn't break into my apartment by force and didn't kick me out of there to lock me outside.   
Even if he hit me… It isn't really abuse. It's not different than someone hitting a stranger in the street.  
They could tell him to 'keep it down' if the noise was bothering anyone else, but during the entire hour I was outside, nobody walked outside to complain even once.   
The only help they could provide was to try and forward my case at the station, giving me a number to call to.   
  


I wanted to cry again.   
How stupid did I need to be to get myself into this mess?! To get to the point I'm locked out of my own apartment, too scared to get in, after **I** was the one who let him in!   
Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes again and again?   
  
The policemen left, giving me an apologetic look.   
I sat back on the staircase in the corridor and sobbed. What did I do to deserve this? What am I going to do now?   
This was **my** apartment. He said he'll move in for two weeks until he finds a new place, but it's been months since.   
I tried suggesting him a few apartments but he dismissed me, saying he'll find one himself and instead of wasting my mind on this to make something to eat. He always told me to shut up when I asked if he found a new place. I think after two months I understood he'll never move out. 

I sighed, checking my pockets.   
I had a bit of money with me and my phone was still working, so I wiped my tears and pulled myself up, walking outside the building as I looked through my contacts.   
I **really** don't want to do it. I really don't want to burden anyone. But what am I supposed to do?  
Just for tonight… 

_'Hello? Yunhyeongie?'_

"Jay…" I said with a weak voice, only now understanding just how sore my throat is. "Am I bothering you…?" 

_'Yunhyeongie, what's wrong?'_ His tone sounded worried now. 

I started sobbing again, feeling so helpless.   
It was around 10 pm and I had nowhere to go and no idea what to do. I just felt like giving up.   
What's the point of continuing like this if all I get in return is abuse?   
What's the point to try this hard if I'm not getting in return even a little bit of gratitude?   
What am I doing wrong?   
  


_'Yunhyeongie!'_

"Ja-Jay…" I sobbed, "Jay… I'm so sorry…" 

_'Sorry? Sorry about what? Yunhyeong!'_ Jinhwan's voice sounded panicked. I'm making him worried and there's nothing I can do about it. 

"I… I have nowhere to go…" 

_'Nowhere… Send me your location. And stay there. June-!'_ The call ended and I continue sobbing with the phone still next to my ear, barely finding it in me to send Jinhwan my location.   
  


I met him about… Four years ago, I think?   
He's older than me in a year and so far he was an amazing friend.   
I was a bit hesitant when he approached me at first, but I opened up to him quite easily and he became a close friend I knew I can trust with just about anything.   
We texted each other almost every day and Jinhwan knew he can come to me for comfort or support. Since I started this new work I didn't have too many friends, and I always tried to stay positive. 

But he doesn't know what I'm going through. We don't meet often because of our work, so when he does see me there's nothing to point out that is wrong. He could never notice a single cut or a bruise.   
I hid it so well from him until now…   
What would he think once he finds out? 

I jumped in my place and looked at my phone when it rang, seeing **his** phone number.   
I hesitated, not knowing if I should answer or not. 

_'Where the fuck are you?!'_ Before I could even say something, he started screaming at me. Just like he always does... 

"Out…" 

_'Out?! You worthless slut! There's a mess you caused and you better come back and fix it!'_

A mess…. I caused? 

Right. This is my fault after all.   
Because I didn't care enough. Because I didn't come back home fast enough. Because I kept him waiting he got impatient.   
My fault. 

"No…" I said with a shaky voice.   
I don't know how I found it in me to say that word. If I'm not going back, if I'm leaving now…   
I can forget about coming back here again.   
I've worked hard to be able to save enough and my parents helped me a lot to get this place.   
Now I'm going to throw all this effort away. 

_'Excuse me?!'_

I quickly hung up the call when I heard him yelling again and turned my phone off.   
It's the first time I stood up to him like this, even if it's pathetic. I was scared to go home now more than ever.   
I tried to hold myself up, leaning against the wall behind me as I shook in my place. It always happens.

He would lose his temper. He would yell. He would threaten me and he would hit me. But today… Today I was really scared for my life.   
I had no idea how to deal with this anymore. I had no idea how to continue holding myself anymore.   
Giving up sounded like such a simple option…

  
  
  


"Yunhyeongie!" I looked to my side, seeing a short guy running to me with a worried expression.   
Only when I focused better I could see it was Jinhwan. He changed his hair color again… 

"Jay…" 

"Yunhyeongie." He breathed out in relief, hugging me tightly. "Your phone is off… I was so worried… Is it apple juice?" 

"Pretty sure it was orange juice...." I noted quietly, sniffing my shirt.   
I couldn't even be bothered to remember what he threw at me and what I was covered with. I couldn't care. 

" **What happened**?" 

"Angel, how about we get home first?" I heard a deeper voice and saw a tall looking guy standing by a car. 

Junhoe, he was Jinhwan's boyfriend if I remember correctly. They were dating for about three years now and I always envied their relationship.   
I always envied what they had. Why couldn't I have that too? 

"Yunhyeong! Don't cry…!" Jinhwan said in panic when I started sobbing again. "C'mon, we have a blanket in the back seat. You can try and sleep until we'll arrive."   
So I let him walk me to his and Junhoe's car, laying the blanket over the back seat before making me lie on it.   
My head hurt. The pain was killing me. I felt so weak I found myself falling asleep without a problem, quietly apologizing to Jinhwan for making his blanket smell like orange juice. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our deepest condolences to Donghyuk and his family...💔  
> It's so sad to hear about his loss, and I hope he has the support he needs right now.
> 
> Please stay strong, Donghyukie. 

**Yunhyeong's POV**

**  
**A hand gently shook me, waking me up from my sleep.  
I opened my eyes to see a blurry Jinhwan giving me a soft look, telling me we arrived. So I sat down and got out of the car, following the two into their apartment building.   
  
It's been years since I last visited Jinhwan, we mostly met outside at a cafe or something to catch up when we had the time.   
I didn't call him to my place because of my problem and he stopped trying to invite me after I declined for one time too many. I had less and less freedom as this relationship developed and I could barely go out and meet friends.   
That's why Jinhwan and I mostly talked through texts and phone calls. 

I hesitantly followed Jinhwan and Junhoe inside, holding the blanket close to my body.   
They need to wash it either way, so I'll hold it for a bit longer. It gave me some sense of comfort.   
  
"We're home." Junhoe announced, walking inside to greet someone.   
I looked at Jinhwan who sighed amused and shook his head, inviting me in. I took my shoes off, feeling wetness in my socks. I took them off as well and stuck them in my shoes, nearly slipping once I took my first step. 

"Junhoe, do you have clothes you can let Yunhyeong borrow?" Jinhwan asked, leading me to the living room.   
There I saw Junhoe lying on the floor with a small white ball of fluff lying on top of him, wiggling its tail in excitement. That was so cute. 

"I might have." Junhoe nodded. "Give me a second." 

"Yunhyeongie, take a shower for now." Jinhwan made me look at him. "We have clean towels you can use. Don't be shy."   
All I could do was mumble a quiet thanks as Jinhwan lead me to the bathroom.   
He showed me where the towels, shampoo and body soap were and how to turn the shower on before walking away. 

I sighed, turning the warm water on first before slowly undressing myself.   
I left my clothes to the floor and stepped inside the shower.   
I must be honest, it was good to feel the water against my skin. I felt so awful with myself walking around covered in juice for about three hours, and to be able to wash it and take my time without hurrying to cook or do something around the house felt… 

Freeing. 

I think I stood there for half an hour if not more, promising myself to pay Jinhwan for all the water I'm wasting.   
I simply was scared to get out.   
I was scared to explain Jinhwan what happened.   
I was scared to ask him to stay over for a few days until I find a place to rent. 

I'll probably need to find another job or something higher paying.   
That apartment was mine. My parents helped me buy it when I moved out.   
It wasn't much, but it was mine. 

And now it's gone. 

He ruined every single happy memory I had in that place. He ruined every single happy memory I had with him. I've wasted so much of my time and energy on him and got nothing in return.   
Nothing. 

_'Is it because I really am that worthless?'_ I thought, sobbing again. 

_'Could it be all of them right? Could it be I'd never be able to get any better than_ ** _him_** _?'_   
  
  


"Yunhyeong?" Jinhwan knocked on the bathroom door as I was drying myself. "I brought clothes." 

"Come in…" I said, feeling it's ridiculous I'm giving him permission at his own place   
The door opened and Jinhwan walked in. He smiled softly, holding a pair of pants and a shirt which I assumed were his boyfriend's. 

But the second he saw me, his smile disappeared and his expression turned into a worried one.   
I've been trying to hide all those bruises and cuts for such a long time now, but there's no use anymore. 

"Dress… Dress up…." He said quietly, looking away from me. "We're waiting in the living room…"   
  
  
  


**Jinhwan's POV**

"Well?" Junhoe asked when I came back to the living room. I sighed and shook my head.   
_  
'Yunhyeongie… What's going on with you…?'  
_ I know him for four years.   
It's not long, but we got really close to each other really fast. 

Since I started dating Junhoe, I was less focused on him but we still talked. I always asked him how he was and he said he's fine. How could that possibly be fine? 

I walked to the kitchen to make him hot chocolate, feeling like shit.   
How could I be such a terrible friend and not see something was clearly wrong? How could I believe all the times he told me he's okay? 

"Angel…" Junhoe wrapped his arms around my waist. "Hey…" 

"I… I am a terrible friend…" I said quietly, mixing the drink with hot water before adding milk. "I'm… Such a terrible friend."

"It's not true…" Junhoe said softly, making me stop my actions. "Whatever happened, it's not your fault. Go and sit, I'll make you a cup too…"  
He pressed a soft kiss against my cheek and made me walk away, taking control over the drink I was making. 

I sighed deeply and walked to the living room, dropping myself on the couch. Yunhyeong…   
He looked so bad. It seems like he lost weight. His skin was covered with bruises…   
When he called, he cried out of nowhere. He told me he has nowhere to go to but I remember he owned an apartment. The same place we picked him up from.   
He looked in such a bad state and him being covered with juice…   
What did I miss? What happened to him?   
  


"Thank you…" I looked up when I heard Yunhyeong's quiet voice. "For letting me use your shower. I put my clothes and blanket for wash if it's okay…" 

"Yunhyeongie, of course." I called him to sit next to me and he hesitated a bit but sat down. 

Just then Junhoe walked in holding two cups of hot chocolate and he even put little marshmallows in it.   
I smiled at him and he pressed a soft kiss against my forehead before walking away, giving me privacy with the guy next to me. 

"So… Do you want to talk about it?" I asked softly, looking at Yunhyeong who was more focused on his drink.   
He took a sip from his cup, looking at nothing in particular. I didn't push it on him and waited patiently for him to speak. 

He started sobbing again, holding the cup tighter in his hands.   
I wanted to say something but I didn't know what. How can I excuse the fact I wasn't there for him when he needed me?   
I gently patted his back, hoping he'd talk to me. 

He was only a year younger, but I really saw him as a little brother. And seeing him crying, knowing there's nothing I can do about it…   
I felt so bad with myself. 

  
"I've started dating… a few years ago…" Yunhyeong spoke after ten minutes, placing his empty cup on the coffee table.   
He wiped his tears and I offered him tissue papers, which he gladly took. 

"He… He was sweet to me. And I liked him… Bu-But… I guess I wasn't good enough…"   
  
Wasn't… Good enough? Yunhyeong is **more** than anyone deserves!   
I know him. He's a sweet and kind guy. He'd do anything for the people he loves and cares about.   
He told me about the relationships he had during high school and college. They didn't end well either and he said he'll try to be more careful next time.   
And now someone dared to make him feel like he's not enough again? 

"It's not tru-"

"Then why!?" He snapped at me. "Why after everything I did I get treated like this?! He kicked me out of my apartment! He never does a thing! I'm the only one who works and takes care of the place! I am doing all of this because I worry about him... Because I love him, bu-but… I guess I am doing something wrong!" 

I felt my heart breaking.   
For two years this poor guy has been through all this bullshit without saying a thing.   
He bore with this awful treatment and now he believes he's worth nothing. 

"He'll hit me if something goes wrong… He'll yell at me and curse me… The police won't do anything… What am I going to do…?" 

"Stay here." I said. "We have a free room. I'd be more than happy to help you out. And we can look together for a new place." 

"I can't… I can't burden you and Junhoe…" Yunhyeong shook his head. "Just for tonight. Tomorrow I'll find a ne-" 

"Tomorrow you're going to rest and be spoiled by my awful cooking." I insisted, "I'll ask a few people I know. And we'll make sure that asshole isn't getting anywhere near you." 

"Jay…" 

I made Yunhyeong rest his head on my shoulder, brushing his wet hair.   
I tried to stop myself from crying.   
From all people, how could Yunhyeong end up in an abusive relationship for a third time and say nothing about it? How could this kind and soft guy deserve this?   
It's so unfair…   
  


Yunhyeong ended up falling asleep on me.   
I called Junhoe to take him to the guest room while taking my phone and looking through my recent chats. 

_Hey, are you still looking for a roommate by chance?_

_-Yeah! You got someone?_

_Yeah, he could really use a place to stay. Wanna come over tomorrow? He'll be here._

_-Sure, I'll stop by. Thanks!_

_You're a lifesaver! See_ _you tomorrow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting this week, I'll have updates every Monday and Thursday. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Yunhyeong's POV**

Everything hurt.   
The pain was something I was used to, but waking up to it every morning hurt so bad.   
  
I slowly opened my eyes, trying to sit down on the bed. I felt pain in my back mostly, but besides that I was fine.   
Well, whatever 'fine' means.   
But… That wasn't my room. And I remember falling asleep in the living room. 

I got out of bed, making sure to remind myself to thank Jinhwan for letting me stay the night. Maybe I should cook breakfast for him and Junhoe. It's the best I can do to him now.  
So I made my way to the kitchen, just to find him with Junhoe, laughing while making breakfast themselves.

"Yunhyeongie, what are you doing out of bed?" Jinhwan frowned when he looked at me. "You need to sleep." 

"I… I wanted to make breakfast." 

"Like hell. Go sit down and I'll call you once breakfast is ready." 

I wanted to protest but it seems like there's no point. So I sighed and walked to wash my face at least.   
I felt really bad for burdening Jinhwan like that. It was the last thing I wanted to do. But I had no choice.   
_'Just until tomorrow.'_ I promised myself.

"How about we take some of your stuff out?" Jinhwan suggested while we ate breakfast, scolding Junhoe for eating with his hands.   
I looked at him in wonder. My… Stuff? 

"You know, clothes, and other belongings you have. There's no reason to leave them there." 

"I…" I looked down at my plate, not sure how to say it exactly. He destroyed most of the things I owned and I didn't bother getting anything new because I knew well it's going to get destroyed as well.   
Even when I got home yesterday so many things were broken… 

"Yunhyeongie?" Jinhwan frowned when I didn't respond. "Is everything okay…?"

"I don't...have anything I can take…" I said quietly. "I don't want to go back there." 

For the rest of breakfast they kept quiet and nobody really said something.   
I didn't know if I prefer it like this, but I definitely wasn't about to start talking again about last night. I wanted to forget it.   
He can take my stupid apartment and he can break everything he wants. I just wish he'd leave me alone. 

After breakfast, I took off the laundry while Junhoe helped Jinhwan wash the dishes and then joined him and Junhoe in the living room. Since it was a day off, I didn't have much to do.   
Usually, I'd cook or clean around but…  
I'm not at home. And Jinhwan isn't letting me. 

So I stared at the TV which was on a random channel while the couple next to me was cheesy as always.   
They are dating for three years now, and with each year they only become more and more clingy and affectionate.   
I had nothing bad to say about their relationship. Junhoe was clearly making Jinhwan happy. I just… 

I was envious.   
I was envious because I gave up on the thought I'll have something like this.   
I had one relationship in high school and one during college. One of them was even someone I had a crush on. But they simply used me.   
My mom always asked if I'm okay since my behavior changed. I always told her everything is okay, even when it wasn't. 

I brought myself into this mess. I can't blame anyone but myself. 

  
  
  


"Jinan? You home?"   
Around the afternoon the front door opened and someone walked in. I looked at Jinhwan, confused, but he simply smiled at me. 

"In the living room!" 

I looked at the hall, seeing a purple haired guy walking into the living room with a plastic bag in his hand. Who is that? 

  
"Yo, Chan. The hell you're doing here?" He looked at me. "And what happened to you?"

I frowned. Is he talking to… Me?   
Who is 'Chan'? And why he thinks I'm this guy? I could swear I never met this guy before. Is he friends with Jinhwan?   
Probably… 

"This is not Chanwoo, you idiot." Jinhwan scolded, "it's Song Yunhyeong. I've told you about him." 

"Damn, he looks a lot like Chan." 

"He looks nothing like Chanwoo." Junhoe argued, "are you blind?" 

"Stop it, you're making him uncomfortable." Jinhwan scolded the two, holding me close to himself. "So shut up." 

I looked at the scene confused. I assumed this guy knows Jinhwan for a few years now.   
He feels comfortable walking in without knocking.  
He seems like a cheerful and careless type.   
He thinks I'm a guy named Chanwoo.   
  


"Anyway," Jinhwan said, "Yunhyeongie, Jiwon is looking for a roommate for the next six months." He looked at me, his look instantly softening. 

A roommate…? For half a year? 

"Yeah." Jiwon nodded, "I have an open room you can use. I could even help you look for other places. I'm quite connected." He shrugged, dropping himself on the couch next to Junhoe. "A warning, the neighbors across the hall a bit unexpected." 

"Unexpected…?" I asked, frowning. What does that suppose to mean?   
As long as they're not like… **Him** , I guess it can't be all too bad… 

"They are not dangerous." He laughed, "promise. Just a bit weird." 

"Yeah, like you." Jinhwan said annoyed. "They really are harmless. Most of the time." 

I still looked confused. I felt confused.   
Why would this stranger help me out?   
He doesn't know me yet he's willing to let me into his place. Jinhwan probably talked with him, but I don't feel comfortable with burdening another person. 

"Please Yunhyeongie…" Jinhwan said softly as he looked at me. "Jiwon is a good friend of mine, you can trust him. He can give you a place to stay for a while…" 

It really sounded nice. I didn't want to bother Jinhwan and Junhoe, and if this guy really has a free place for me, even for a short while… 

"Okay…" I nodded softly. It's not like I have too many choices. I'll stay for a bit and find a new job. Just until then. 

"Awesome!" Jiwon said cheerfully. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get used really fast." He assured me.

"Before you take him, I want to steal Yunhyeongie for the rest of the afternoon." Jinhwan smiled at Jiwon. "Junhoe and I will drop him at your place later." He said and looked back at me. "I'm taking you to buy new clothes." He smiled softly at me. 

"Jay, no-"

"Is cute you think I'm giving you a choice." Jinhwan chuckled and brushed my hair. "I'll try not to go overboard." 

"As if it's possible with you." Junhoe noted and I couldn't argue there.   
Jinhwan **really** liked shopping and sometimes was too much to handle. And he always argued with Junhoe, asking if he wants an ugly boyfriend. Junhoe then made the mistake of responding 'I don't really care' and…   
It was the worst week Junhoe ever experienced.   
They still argue, but not as often as I remember. 

  
  


Jinhwan sent me to change, asking Junhoe to let me borrow something again.   
I felt bad for taking Junhoe's clothes, and they weren't a perfect fit because he's taller and his style is…   
Not really suitable for me, but we made it work. I apologized to him and promised to wash everything before I return it. He told me not to worry about it, but it's not like Jinhwan left him too many options. 

Jinhwan also used some of his makeup to help me hide the bruises on my face and some noticeable injuries. I was so thankful to him for all the help that I felt like crying.   
He told me not to because it'll ruin the make-up. 

  
  
"We'll be at your place around 6 pm, okay?" Jinhwan asked before we said goodbye to Jiwon.   
  
"Yeah yeah, don't worry about it." He said cheerfully before getting inside his car.   
I now remember that Jinhwan mentioned him a few times, but he wasn't talking about his other friends too often so I forgot. Jiwon liked composing, if I'm not wrong, and writing rap too.   
I forgot what he's doing for a living, but that's definitely something in the music field. 

I followed Jinhwan and Junhoe to their car, sitting in the backseat.   
After last night I made sure to check I didn't stain anything. I felt guilty enough for having them pick me up, watch me break down, getting their blanket dirty, borrowing Junhoe's clothes, burdening them in their own home and now have them drive me to shop on Jinhwan's request. 

But it was something I really needed. I had nothing spare, and I decided to abandon everything in my apartment.   
Maybe in a few weeks he'll finally decide to leave it, but for now, I decided to let him have it. 

The police won't help me either since I willingly let him in.   
There's **nothing** illegal about him being there, and it only shows how much of an idiot I really am. I should have said no… 

I looked out of the window, letting Jinhwan and Junhoe talk between themselves while Junhoe drove us to the closest shopping district. 

I should look up today how to get from Jiwon's place to work and hope I won't be late for work tomorrow. I thought to have a day off, but with the situation I'm in now, I can't afford myself to miss work.   
I also need to remember to ask him to give me a quick tour around the place so I'll know where there are shops to get groceries and things like this. 

He seemed nice. A bit easygoing and cheerful, but again, he's Jinhwan's friend. I can trust him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking your time to read this story  
> Please let me know what you think so far 😊
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! ❤️️


	4. Chapter 4

**Jinhwan's POV**

I watched Junhoe as he unloaded Yunhyeong's suitcase from the trunk, holding Yunhyeong's hand tightly.   
It was around 8 pm and we finished shopping, ate something before heading home, arranged his things and finally drove him to Jiwon. 

It was difficult shopping with Yunhyeong since he really did hate that. I could barely make him try on outfits and he felt uncomfortable with me waiting outside for him to change and walking from shop to shop with him.   
I was the one who dragged him out to begin with. I wanted him to have something else besides Junhoe's clothes. Junhoe needed them too.   
I asked Yunhyeong for his budget to plan what kind of shops to take him to and added a bit of my own. Which, again, he said wasn't necessary but I insisted. 

We looked mostly for shops with sales and found some pretty nice things.   
Yunhyeong's style wasn't like mine, so it was difficult suggesting him clothes. I managed to find two pairs of shoes and a few shirts I thought were nice, and he took them after trying them on. 

We ended up with 4 pairs of shoes, four pairs of pants, and about 17 different shirts and hoodies. That's beside another few pairs of underwear and socks.   
It isn't much, but he should at least have something he can change into and not wear the same clothes every day. 

We walked around for 3 hours I think?  It took us over 7 shops to find everything we were looking for.   
Before I went out with Yunhyeong, I asked Junhoe to get Yunhyeong a suitcase and bedsheets, but kept it a secret. He'd freak if he knew I'm spending more money on him. 

  
  


Once we were done with everything, we loaded everything in the car and Junhoe drove us to a small cafe to eat something.   
Yunhyeong seemed a bit more cheerful, and that made me happy. 

I don't know him for too many years, but I still cared a lot about him. He's really kind and thoughtful and it's one of the reasons I got close to him.  I really felt like shit finding out about everything he has been through and I can't believe I was so blind.   
It really wasn't easy for the guy, and the fact he's managing to hold on right now even though he literally threw everything he had away just to be free… 

  
"Yunhyeongie, I'm sorry for not helping you out earlier…" I apologized.  He deserves that. I didn't do my job as a friend. 

"Jay, what… You don't need to apologize." He frowned at me. "You and Junhoe helped me a lot, and I appreciate it. You did more than enough." 

"So why it doesn't feel like it…?"

"Because you're overreacting." Yunhyeong smiled softly at me. "It's okay, Jay. I never told you because I didn't want to bother you with my problems. I just… I had no choice left…" 

"Don't you trust me?" 

"I do." 

"Then asking me for help shouldn't be equal to bothering me." I objected. "Telling me about your day, your life, your problems,  **anything** , shouldn't feel like burdening me. I know that's the type of person you are, but…" 

Yunhyeong moved closer and hugged me tightly, resting his head on my shoulder.  "You are… The best friend I could ask for… And thank you so much for all of your help…" 

God damn it, this guy is going to make me cry.   
I hugged him back, holding him as close as I could to myself.  I would let him stay forever in my apartment, but I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable with me and Junhoe around. 

Jiwon is friendly, and I warned him to give Yunhyeong his space and keep his nosey neighbors away from him.  I know Yunhyeong will manage there.   
I'm sure he'll be happy. 

"Feel free to come over during the weekends." 

"You sound like a mom sending her kid to camp." Junhoe joked, "Yunhyeong will be fine." 

"Ugh, fine. But call me." I looked at the dark haired guy and he nodded. 

"Promise." 

* * *

"Hiya." Jiwon greeted us with his smirk like always, "come in."   
  
The three of us walked inside his apartment, taking our shoes off at the front door. 

"So, Yunhyeong, your room would be down the hall and to the right. It's not much, but I hope it'll be fine." 

Yunhyeong nodded and I walked with him to his room, turning the lights on.   
The room was as spacey as the one in our apartment. Yunhyeong had a twin bed to sleep on, dresser, nightstand with an outlet and a desk.  This should be okay for now. 

"Good thing I asked Jiwon what bed sheets size to get." I smiled, sitting down on the bed. "We'll look for other options, but for now try to get comfortable here. And tell me if Jiwon is causing you problems." 

Yunhyeong chuckled and nodded. "I will. Thank you for your help. I really appreciate everything you did. And I'll pay you back." 

"Don't be annoying." I scolded him. "It's a gift. Don't even think about it."

I helped Yunhyeong make his bed and set his few things around.  It's not perfect, but it could be worse. At least he won't be anywhere around that asshole.   
I just want him to be happy and safe. 

"Bye Yunhyeongie." I hugged him tightly. "Call if you need anything." 

"I'll be fine." He hugged me back, smiling. "Thank you." 

I let go and waved at him and Jiwon, thanking him, before walking back to our car with Junhoe. 

"The boy's doomed." 

"Yeah, he probably is." 


	5. Chapter 5

**Yunhyeong's POV**

Jiwon gave me my space, only popping to ask if I'm hungry.   
I told him I already ate and he simply nodded, walking away. 

I sighed deeply and dropped myself on the bed, taking my phone out, turning it on for the first time. I had about 50 messages from him, which was surprising because I expected more.   
But instead of going through them I opened the web browser and looked for directions from Jiwon's address to my work place.   
I had a direct train, and the train station was only about ten minutes’ walk from here. It's not so bad.   
  


"Jiwon?" I hesitantly walked to the living room, seeing him sitting on the couch with his knees up. On the coffee table there was a can of cola and he held a slice of pizza in one hand while holding a plate with the other. 

"Yuh?" 

"Uhh… Would you mind showing me around in your free time?" I asked, looking down before looking back at him. "I just… Don't want to get lost or… Something." 

He finished chewing before taking a sip from his drink and looking at me.   
"We can go in 20 minutes. I need to buy a few things anyway." 

"Sure, thanks." I nodded and walked away to the room I'm staying in. I'll give myself a week to rest and then start looking for apartments.   
The sooner the better.   
  
  


The next morning I woke up before Jiwon.   
At first, I didn't understand where the hell I am at.   
I wasn't used to sleeping outside the house, and when I woke up at Jinhwan's place the pain in my head was so bad that I didn't even bother thinking where I was and what I was doing there.   
  
I tried to be as quiet as possible as I got ready for work. I didn't want to wake Jiwon.   
The door to his room was closed, but I decided not to take the risk. 

I made a quick breakfast for the two of us and put Jiwon's part in the microwave.   
I also had a bit of money left with me after yesterday so I put what I thought would be enough for this month's rent on the coffee table and wrote him a note before leaving the apartment. I then realized that I don't have a key or Jiwon's phone number, but when I was about to go back and maybe wake him up, I heard the water in the shower was already running so I closed the door and made my way to the train station like Jiwon explained to me yesterday.   
  
  


  
When I returned after work back to the building the door was locked and there was no answer when I rang the bell. I guess he's out.  
Which means I need to wait in the hall until he would return.  
God, so stupid of me not to ask for a key yesterday. Why do I keep messing up? 

I leaned against the door and took my phone to text Jinhwan.  
He has Jiwon's number so I'll just ask him for it. 

Jinhwan answered me after five minutes, sending me his number. I saved it in my contacts and called him. 

_'Hello?'_ I heard Jiwon's voice as he answered.

"Hey Jiwon, it's Yunhyeong…"

_'Shit! Fuck Yunhyeong I'm so sorry, I knew I forgot something! Fuck… okay um… I'll be home in three hours. I don't want you to wait outside so go to my neighbors', they live next door. Either Chan or Dong supposed to be home I think. Just say you're my new roommate and I'm an idiot who forgot to give you a key.'_

"Hey, Jiwon… Calm down. It's fine, honestly." I said, not expecting his sudden outburst. Chan…   
Didn't he mention this name before? I remember him calling me that yesterday if I'm not wrong.   
He's his neighbor?   
  
"What apartment?" 

_'The one right across the hall. I'm really_ _**really** _ _sorry.'_

"Are you sure it's okay for me to go there?"

_'Yeah, yeah. It's fine, they shouldn't mind. Tell me if they're giving you problems.'_

"Okay… Thank you. Bye…" I hung up the call and sighed deeply before getting myself up.

I walked across the hall, looking at the apartment door for a few moments before taking a deep breath and knocked.   
I barely wanted to burden Jinhwan and Jiwon with staying at their place, and now I have to go to **another** person and stay there too. I really do hope it's fine. 

Staying at someone's place for three hours because Jiwon is so careless…   
And I wasn't better. Forgetting a simple thing like asking for a key.  
  
There was no answer, so I knocked a bit louder. Jiwon said someone should be home… 

_'There's no answer.'_ I text him. 

' _A sec.'_

So I waited until I heard footsteps. 

"Yunhyeong?" The door opened, revealing a blonde haired guy around my height. He didn't seem much younger or older than me, and he gave off a kind person vibe. 

"Jiwon just texted me." He said, opening the door for me to enter. "He really is careless. I was just about to get in the shower so feel free to sit down and watch TV. I'll be done soon."   
I nodded and thanked him, walking inside the apartment as he stepped aside to let me in. 

"Hmm… what is your name…?" It can't be Chanwoo if he thinks we're alike, and I didn't really get the other one's name. 

"Oh, Kim Donghyuk." The blonde guy smiled at me, reaching his hand to shake it. "Nice to meet you." 

"Song Yunhyeong…" I said a bit hesitantly. 

"Sit, sit." Donghyuk said, seeing my hesitation. "I'm going to take a quick shower and then check if there's anything to eat."   
I nodded, sitting on the couch in the living room and tried to busy myself on my phone.   
Jinhwan asked me how was my day and I told him I'm still getting used to stuff. I can ignore this uneasy feeling by telling myself it's just a sleepover. It's just one night I'm away and that's it. Tomorrow I'm home. 

The problem was, I didn't spend a single night out of the house in the last year and a half. He didn't like it.   
He didn't want me away. And like the idiot I am I thought he was doing it out of care and not as a way to control me. 

He controlled everything.   
And because I was so naive I let him. And I took care of him. And I gave him whatever he wanted. So what if he hit me in return?   
So what if all I got was yelling and cursing?   
His feelings mattered more than mine… 

I need to make some order in my life or I'm going to lose it. 

I put my phone away and got my knees closer to my chest, hugging them as I rested my forehead against them. I was hungry. But I can't just go and snoop around their kitchen. It's not my place. Though…   
I'm a guest in this place. An unwanted one. 

I don't want to burden him to make food for me just because I forgot to ask for a key.   
  
So I got up and made my way to the kitchen.   
Since this apartment wasn't too different than Jiwon's, I found the kitchen without too much trouble. And… It was a mess.   
It'd take him a while to clean everything and cook so I decided to help. There's nothing wrong with that, right?   
I mean… It's just a way to pay Donghyuk for letting me in.   
  
  


"Wha- you're cooking?" I heard a voice from behind me. "And you cleaned the kitchen? I told you I'll do that." 

"So-Sorry…" I apologized. "I just… Didn't want to bother you more than I already had, and I thought to thank you for letting me stay until Jiwon comes back…" 

"Dude, it's completely fine. It's not like it's your fault."   
Donghyuk placed a hand on my shoulder to move me a bit away and I instantly jumped in my place and stepped away from him, feeling my back hitting the counter. 

I was fine with Jinhwan's touch because I know him for long enough. I know he won't hurt me. But having anyone else get this close to me, not to say touch me, was out of question.   
It instantly made my body react and move away. 

Donghyuk looked at me a bit surprised but mumbled a quiet 'sorry'.   
I looked away and said nothing. Few minutes at the neighbour's place and I'm already acting as if I'm out of my mind. 

"I'll set the table then."   
I was about to say something, or maybe protest, but he already reached for the cabinets to take out plates and cups. So hesitantly I walked to the stove to check on the food.   
It seemed to be ready so I turned the stove off and took the plates Donghyuk prepared and put food on them. I just…   
I just hope he'll like that. I tried to make something small so I won't use all of their ingredients.

I sighed softly and looked at the small clock on the microwave.   
Just a bit over an hour until Jiwon comes back home.   
I'll take a quick shower and go to bed. I'm still getting used to this weird way of living and it was too tiring.   
  
I looked down at my plate as we sat down to eat, taking a small bite out of it. 

"Wow! It tastes amazing!" I heard Donghyuk saying surprised. 

"It's just food…" I said, looking at him. I didn't expect him to sound so surprised.   
I liked cooking and taught myself when mom couldn't and I'd like to believe I'm pretty good. I looked back at my plate, picking up a small piece with the chopsticks to take another bite of the food. "Nothing special about it."

"You kidding me? You really make good food." Donghyuk smiled, taking another bite. "I'm sure Chan will like it too. He should be home soon, actually." 

Great…   
Another person I'll run into in such short notice.   
I was barely comfortable enough with Donghyuk, and now meeting this Chan?   
  


  
"Oh no. My turn to clean." Donghyuk said as he stopped me from picking up the dishes after we finished eating. 

I looked at him. "No, I made a mess now. I'll clean this." I insisted. 

"No. If you want to help, then please put away the food from the stove into boxes and put it in the fridge. Is that okay?" He smiled. 

I guess it was easy enough.   
So I let him take the dirty dishes away while I took a few boxes and put what's left in them, putting everything away in the fridge.   
When I closed it, I noticed there were a few photos on it. Mostly of Donghyuk, Jiwon and another guy. But there were also of Jinhwan, Junhoe and another guy I didn't recognize. 

"Go and sit." Donghyuk said, "Jiwon should be back soon." 

"Okay…" I nodded and walked back to the living room, sitting on the couch.

I guess this wasn't too bad?   
Donghyuk actually welcomed me kindly and I was thankful to him for letting me in.   
I should probably say thank you properly. 

I sighed and took my phone, seeing I have more messages. I ignored them and put my phone aside, bringing my knees closer to myself before burying my face in them.   
Such a long day…  
  
  


"Yunhyeong wake up." I opened my eyes as I felt someone shaking me. When did I fall asleep…?  
I yawned as I stretched myself, seeing I was covered in a blanket. Who… 

"C'mon, Yunhyeong." 

I looked in front of me to see Jiwon moving a bit away when he saw I woke up.   
Nodding, I rubbed my eyes and moved the blanket away before getting up. "Did you just come?" 

"Yeah, I delayed a bit. But the kid promised me you're fine."

The kid? Who is he talking about?   
Donghyuk can barely qualify as a kid. 

But I decided not to ask useless questions because I was pretty tired, so I got up and followed Jiwon. 

"He did treat you nice, right?" Jiwon asked, leading me to the front door.   
I nodded. Of course he did. I really didn't expect a stranger to be this nice to someone he doesn't even know. 

"Yeah, don't worry… he was really nice." I assured him. 

"Good." Jiwon nodded. "Bye Dong, bye you brat!" He yelled before walking out of the apartment to his own with me. 

"Here." Jiwon handed me a key. "So you won't get stuck out again. I knew I forgot to do something. Are you hungry?" 

I shook my head. "I… Actually ate. So I'm going to take a shower and sleep, okay?" 

Jiwon nodded and wished me goodnight.   
It wasn't even late, I was simply tired. I don't deal well with changes. That's why I felt uncomfortable going to Jinhwan's. That's why I need time to get used to this.   
I should also look for an apartment. But that can wait until tomorrow, I guess. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update!   
> The last chapter felt a bit too short since it's a filler so I decided to upload another. But this might be too long.  
> Thanks to anyone who's taking his time to read, leave kudos or comment and vote on the story, I really appreciate it a lot and I enjoy hearing your thoughts about the story ❤️
> 
> I started a poll about another story idea my friend and I had.   
> We wrote it last year before all the mess in the kpop industry started and didn't upload it out of respect...   
> I'd be happy if you can vote or state your opinion about it 😊  
> Poll- https://twitter.com/Nightlily3/status/1232008793015357442?s=19


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HANBIN IS INNOCENT!!!!!  
> HE WAS TESTED NEGATIVE FOR DRUGS!!  
> You have no idea how happy I am 😭

**Yunhyeong's POV**

How the hell I let tomorrow turn into a month already?

I just...   
I guess I started to feel... comfortable. Maybe too comfortable.

Jinhwan was coming at the weekends so the four of us spent time together.  
Having the routine of going to work in the morning from Jiwon's place and then return to make something to eat and sleep actually became a bit easier to deal with.

Jiwon and I also became closer and got to know each other better. I also met Chanwoo and Donghyuk properly.  
Donghyuk was actually a nice guy and really cheerful. Just like I thought he'd be.   
While Chanwoo...

Well, I understood why Jiwon called him a brat. I didn't understand how the two of them ended being roommates but I guess opposites attract?

My first meeting with Chanwoo didn't really go so well like it did with Donghyuk. But I guess it was my fault in a way.  
I got back home from work, feeling pretty exhausted.  
About a week after moving with Jiwon I canceled every payment I had for my apartment.   
Water, gas, electricity...

I had a few hesitations about it, worrying what will happen to him if I'll do it...  
But Jinhwan said I need to stop thinking about it and blocked his number for me, taking care of all the bills as well.  
But lately I've been getting messages from random numbers.I assumed it was from my boyfriend but I didn't respond to him, and I started considering changing my number just for the messages to stop.

I got home before Jiwon, so I put the groceries I bought down to look for my key, hoping I didn't lose it and I'm going to be stuck out again. I won't handle it a second time.  
While looking for the key, feeling frustrated that I definitely forgot it at home, I didn't hear that someone else went up the stairs to our floor.

"Hey, are you Yunhyeong?"

I jumped in my place, not really expecting to hear someone talking to me.  
I looked to my side to see a dark brown haired guy. He seemed to be a bit taller than me but young enough to be a college student according to his bag. He looked familiar...  
Isn't it the guy I saw in the photos on the fridge in Donghyuk's place?

"Uhh yeah..." I said quietly, unsure what to say.

"Jung Chanwoo." He introduced himself, reaching a hand for me to shake. "I'm Donghyuk's roommate."

"Oh, hey." I hesitantly reached my hand to shake his.   
So this is 'Chan' Jiwon was talking about? I couldn't really see why he'd think we are alike. There isn't really something too similar between us.

"Thank you for cooking for us that other day." Chanwoo noted, looking through the small pocket of his bag to take out his keys. "Donghyuk is usually the only one who makes something. I was surprised to eat something better than his cooking."

I wasn't sure how to respond to this. I'm glad he liked it, though. I was worried I might have crossed a line by taking the freedom to cook something I didn't know if they like.

"I actually wanted to introduce myself earlier, but Donghyuk said not to wake you up." Chanwoo continued, looking at me while I continued standing there, looking at him like an idiot without saying a word.

He got back home while I was asleep? Oh god.

"Are you locked out again?" He asked me when I said nothing again. "I'm pretty sure Jiwon left us a copy of the apartment key. I'll get it."  
I watched him as he opened the door to his apartment and disappeared inside.

"What's wrong with me?" I thought, sighing deeply. I know interacting with people makes me slightly uncomfortable after everything, but I just there. It's not like he tried to do something...

"Got it." I heard Chanwoo's voice again. He walked out of his apartment, holding a key.

I took my bag and stepped aside to let Chanwoo unlock the door for me.

"Thank you." I said, opening the door.

"Do you need any help?" He asked and I shook my head.   
I don't like getting help. Or maybe, I'm just not used to getting help.

"I'll see you around then." Chanwoo smiled. "It was nice meeting you."

"Yeah, you too..."

I watched as he walked away before closing the door and taking a deep breath.   
Why did this short meeting make me feel so uncomfortable?

Okay. Let's forget that. Jiwon returns later so I had time for a short nap before making something to eat.  
We had a bit of kimchi and rice soup left. So I thought to cook some meat or fish and prepared potatoes or pasta.  
I really was getting used to staying here bit by a bit, and even if I was still getting nervous from time to time, it was a lot better than staying with him. But I had to remind myself I can't stay here forever. I need to look for a place.

I can't continue bothering Jiwon like this.

* * *

**Chanwoo's POV**

"So, I talked with Yunhyeong today." I noted, taking a bite from the food Donghyuk made. "He's... not really talkative, is he?"  
I mean, maybe I surprised him? He did seem a bit unfocused. When he talked with me he seemed hesitant and didn't really look at me. Maybe I shouldn't have approached him so suddenly. I probably need to be more careful next time, I don't want to scare him.

Donghyuk looked at me and shrugged. "Leave the guy alone, Chan. He just moved here. It's probably difficult enough for him to have Jiwon as his roommate."

"Wait until he'll meet Hanbin too." I chuckled, shaking my head. "What's with him? It's been months since we heard from him."

"I think Jiwon said he'll return soon. He's probably busy."

I hummed and decided to focus on my food.

I moved in with Donghyuk because I needed a place closer to my college and he was looking for a roommate at the time. He's only a year older than me and we actually managed to find some things in common we had.   
He's like the annoying older brother I never wished for but I'm glad I'm stuck with him. He was the one who introduced me to Jiwon and the others, and I manage to get along with them.  
Though it's hard to keep up with studies, work and meeting the others. But I find time.

And Yunhyeong...

I was surprised when I saw him sleeping on our couch. But Donghyuk told me not to wake him up so I decided to cover him instead. He seemed quite cold. I can't really tell the type of person he is, but he looks kind. Maybe a bit troubled.

"Chanwoo, no." Donghyuk sighed.

"What?" I asked.

"Whenever you're too quiet you always plan something bad. Focus on your classes."

"I didn't-"

"No." Donghyuk gave me a look.

I rolled my eyes at that. Just because I caused a few problems it doesn't mean I always plan something.

"Whatever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally met!  
> I hope the pace of the story is okay and nothing goes too quick 😊  
> I still have a lot to rewrite so I better hurry!
> 
> Also, there are still four days left to vote, so I hope to hear your opinion.  
> Poll - https://twitter.com/Nightlily3/status/1232008793015357442?s=19


	7. Chapter 7

**Yunhyeong's POV**

I sighed, moving my fingers through my hair.  It's pretty late but the boys are still so loud… 

I got used to having Donghyuk and Chanwoo over, though I didn't talk with them too much. Jiwon also told me he asked them to give me my space, and I thanked him for that.   
I did sit with them for a bit from time to time but just to watch them play. I didn't really talk with them or bother them to play.  It's amusing to watch those grown-ups act like a bunch of kids, yelling and cursing at each other.   
  


I texted with Jinhwan too who asked if I tried lately to contact the police or if anyone talked with me.   
I honestly didn't, and I wanted to forget about this apartment for a while.  I paid my last bills for it, so I don't want to think about it until I'll have to. 

Though I guess I need to go and check it at some point, just to see what the damage is and if I can sell it.  Jinhwan said he'll come with me, and it made me feel a bit better with it.   
  


'Yes!!' I heard Jiwon yelling.  They definitely aren't going to calm down today.   
Maybe I should go for a walk?  It was around 8 pm but I think I could use some fresh air now. 

So I got out of my bed and walked to my closet.   
I went out shopping with Jinhwan to get a few more things with the paycheck I got, and it sure felt nice to be able to see my clothes whole and not in pieces like it used to be.  Wasting money on new clothes, just to lose those as well…

I sighed, picking a shirt with a sweater and a pair of jeans.  I'll walk for about an hour, come back, figure out what I have left to do with my apartment and go to bed. 

  
  


"Wha-Yunhyeong? You're going out?" Jiwon asked me as I wore my shoes. 

I hummed, nodding as I smiled at him. "Just for a short walk."

"Are you sure? You don't really know the area well." 

"I have my phone for directions, don't worry." I promised, making sure I have my keys with me before saying bye to everyone and walking out of the apartment.   
  


It was pretty chilly outside, but I didn't let it bother me. The sky was really clear, so I assumed it isn't going to rain. Lucky, because I didn't take an umbrella with me.   
I'll try to keep this walk short just for any case. 

I put my hands in my pockets to keep warm and started walking, not really putting too much mind to what direction I'm going to.  If I get lost, I'll just look for my way back on my phone. So for now, I wanted to enjoy this calm evening.   
It felt a bit weird though. To be able to get home late without being yelled at, to be able to go outside without being blackmailed to stay.  No more threats.   
No more abuse.   
No more… 

I hummed to myself, checking the time on my phone.   
It's been a bit over an hour since I left, I should probably get back to Jiwon.  I've been walking mindlessly all this time, so I didn't even notice I reached a park I didn't know existed.   
Since it was past 9 pm, it was pretty empty. I didn't see anyone around beside few people who walked past it to get home probably. 

I decided to sit on one of the benches while looking on my phone how I'm getting back home. I can't be too far, right? It's been only an hour.   
But apparently I managed to get quite away from Jiwon's place, since it showed me it'd take about an hour and a half for me to get back.  Great. 

"You useless bitch!!" 

I was about to get up and walk home when I heard someone yelling.  It instantly made me freeze in my spot.   
That…   
That was something I hoped not to hear again. I couldn't bear with another yell, another hit… More abuse… 

I grabbed tightly onto the bench, trying my best to remember how to even breathe.   
It can't be… Right?   
It can't… He can't…  
  


"Why can't you do anything right?!" 

_ "No… No. It's fine. I'm only imagining it."  _ I thought, trying to calm myself down.   
He isn't here. He isn't.   
I left him, he couldn't possibly find me here out of all places.   
  


I found it in me to look around the park. There was no one in sight but a figure of a man further than me.   
I felt panic again since I couldn't see him well, but I could notice he was talking on the phone. 

I sighed in relief. I stressed out over nothing.   
But I couldn't help it. After being yelled at like this for so long…   
It's obvious something isn't right with me.  I don't trust people, I can't stand others' touch, I get surprised easily… 

But I can't blame anyone but myself.   
If I wasn't so stupid the first time, if I was a bit smarter the second time, if I could finally learn from my mistakes and avoid the third time…   
Maybe I would have been in a completely different situation now. 

* * *

'Stop cheating you brat!' 

'I'm not cheating! You simply suck!' 

'Excuse you! I'm a lot better than you'll ever be!' 

'C'mon now, you've been arguing for an hour.' 

Obviously, I was greeted by yellings when I got back. It wasn't something I'm not used to at least.   
I don't even know how I got here. I don't know for how long I sat on that bench, trying to force my legs to work and take me home.  But I did.   
I found directions back to Jiwon and during the entire hour walk back home, my mind was completely blank.   
  
I went out in hope to clear my mind, but instead I felt worse than before.   
I don't like it. I don't like it at all. But this is what I get for being so pathetic.   
  


I took a deep breath and used my key to open the door, forcing myself to get inside. 

"Ha! I told you that you suck!"

"Yunhyeong? Is that you?" I heard Jiwon's voice. 

"Yeah." I sighed, taking off my shoes. "I'm going to sleep." 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah…" I made my way to my room, dropping myself on my bed.   
I've wasted close to three hours just to end up in the same situation like before my walk.   
Lying on my bed and feeling frustrated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 is up!  
> Sorry the pacing is so slow, I promise it'd get more interesting 😊
> 
> Today is last day to vote, I'll be happy to hear what you think -   
> https://twitter.com/Nightlily3/status/1232008793015357442?s=20


	8. Chapter 8

**Chanwoo's POV**

"Stop cheating you brat!" 

I frowned at that. "I'm not cheating! You simply suck!" 

"Excuse you! I'm a lot better than you'll ever be!" Jiwon argued back, hitting me with a pillow. I took the pillow from him and hit him back, giving him an annoyed look. 

"C'mon now, you've been arguing for an hour." Donghyuk sighed at us, pausing the game. 

It always was like that when we played together. It rarely stayed a simple and fun game. But everything was in a good spirit.   
I had a lot of frustration about my classes and exams, Donghyuk too while Jiwon was mostly frustrated about his boyfriend and all the work he left him to do alone.   
Jiwon said he'll definitely kill him once he gets back. 

We tried to talk Jinhwan and Junhoe joining us too, but Jinhwan was too bad at that and Junhoe refused to try.   
Not like we minded, we had weekends all of us simply went out to catch up. That, if Junhoe, Donghyuk and I didn't have exams to study for.   
It's a nice routine we made for ourselves, and while I wasn't too sure about having Donghyuk as a roommate at first or the apartment location, I liked it now. 

"Ha! I told you that you suck!" I said cheerfully when I won again.   
Donghyuk sighed and Jiwon threw his remote in anger, taking a piece of the probably already cold pizza we ordered before and eating it angrily. 

I was about to comment something on it when we all heard the front door open. 

"Yunhyeong? Is that you?" Jiwon asked.   
I looked at the time on the clock in the living room. It's been over three hours since he left. Didn't he say an hour? 

"Yeah." Yunhyeong answered, sounding tired. "I'm going to sleep." 

"You okay?" Jiwon frowned, giving us a confused look as well. Both Donghyuk and I shrugged. 

"Yeah…"   
  


He definitely wasn't okay. I wondered what's with him but knew it's not my place to get into his business.   
Beside greeting each other in the hall we didn't talk much.   
I mean, I tried to get to know him better, but he seemed distant. Donghyuk told me to leave it but I couldn't help but wonder if something wasn't alright with him. Because it sure looked like it. 

"I wonder what happened…" Jiwon mumbled, taking his phone.   
I usually wouldn't look into someone else's phone, but I was pretty close to him so I peeked a bit, seeing he texted Jinhwan about him.   
Right. If there's one person who'll know what's up with Yunhyeong it's Jinhwan.   
  


"Another round?" Donghyuk asked us.   
I wanted to, but assumed it'd be better if we'll go. 

"Nah, it's pretty late." I put my controller down and took the last piece of the cold and disgusting pizza. "I have early classes tomorrow."

"You do?" Donghyuk frowned. "Don't you start at 11 on Monday?" 

I nodded. "I do. But we have a class at 9 about one of our tests. And me and a few more classmates decided to meet at 8 to study together a bit."

"That's why our fridge is full with energy drinks?" He rolled his eyes. 

"Exactly." I threw the half eaten piece of pizza back into the box and closed it before finishing my drink.   
  


"Make sure not to lose next time." I teased Jiwon as I got up.

"I promise I'll beat your ass, you brat." Jiwon gave me a look, getting up as well to collect everything on the coffee table into a garbage bag. "Take it out, will ya?" 

"Donghyuk?" I looked at the dark haired guy who got up as well. He shook his head.   
  


I sighed and took the bag from Jiwon who was smirking at me, rolling my eyes before walking to the entry to wear my shoes. 

"Your place next time." Jiwon noted. "Don't wanna bother Yunhyeong again. We probably were making too much noise." 

"It's the first time he walked out, though." Donghyuk said, wearing his shoes as well. "Maybe you should check on him." 

"I will." Jiwon nodded. 

We waved at him before walking out of his apartment.   
I sighed and made my way downstairs to take out the trash while Donghyuk walked to our apartment, giving me a teasing look before closing the door. I can't believe Jiwon actually made me do it.   
So unfair. 

I should get home, arrange my bag and set an alarm before going to bed. Or maybe I'll just skip tomorrow and go straight to classes. 

_"No, Donghyuk will surely kill me if I try."_ I sighed, shaking my head. 

* * *

_"I hate study groups, why did I even agree to this?"_ I thought, trying to focus on the book I was holding. 

I could barely concentrate today during the study session and even the classes felt like a blur.   
It isn't good for my grades, and I know I need to concentrate. But what happened yesterday bothers me for some reason. I don't really know Yunhyeong that good, Donghyuk was the one who got the chance to talk with him more.   
But the fact it took him so long and the way he sounded…

I sighed, moving my fingers through my hair as I looked back at my book. I have to study. I have to concentrate.   
The test is in three days. Donghyuk will make me sleep on the _welcome_ mat by the door if I fail. 

_"Ugh, this is confusing. Where is Hanbin to yell at me to do better? I'm ready to hit someone with this book."_ I thought annoyed, looking for my keys.   
Donghyuk has a late shift today, so I hope we have something to eat.   
  


"Oh, Chanwoo." I lifted my look when I heard someone calling me.   
Yunhyeong apparently just got back home and he looked… Really tired. 

But even so, he still looked good at the same time.

 _"Wait… what?"_   
  


"Uh, Chanwoo?" Yunhyeong looked at me in wonder. "I'm sorry to ask, but do you guys perhaps have cheese and butter I can borrow?" He asked. "We ran out and the convenience store on the way didn't have any." 

"Well, then it isn't that convenient, huh?" I asked, and immediately wanted to hit myself with my book.  
What. The. Fuck? 

To my surprise, I heard a chuckle. I looked at Yunhyeong who seemed surprised as well, but he definitely chuckled.   
I made him chuckle? He barely smiles! 

"So… Is that a yes?" Yunhyeong asked, trying his hardest not to smile. "I promise to get some and give you back."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, we should have some." I nodded and finally unlocked the door. "What are you making?"

"Oh, a recipe for pasta I want to try." Yunhyeong shrugged, waiting for me while I checked for butter and cheese.   
Donghyuk bought groceries a few days ago and I'm sure he won't mind if I give some to Yunhyeong. 

"Something you found online?" 

"Ugh, not really. Something I thought of…" Yunhyeong said quieter this time.   
Jiwon said Yunhyeong does most of the cooking in their place, and from the little bit he cooked at our place I could tell he's really good at it. 

"Butter and cheese, right?" I asked, handing him what I found in our fridge. 

"Yes, thank you." Yunhyeong nodded, taking it from me. "Promise to pay you back." 

"Don't worry about it." I smiled, watching him walking to Jiwon's apartment. 

"Uh, Chanwoo…?"   
I was about to close the door when Yunhyeong called me, so I stopped and looked at him.   
He seemed hesitant like every other time he talked with me, and I wondered if it's something he does only with me or with Donghyuk and Jiwon too. 

"Yeah?" 

"Well, if you want… you and Donghyuk welcome for dinner too." He said, "thank you for the things." 

Before I could even respond he opened the door and walked inside the apartment.   
I looked at the closed door, trying to understand what just happened. Did Yunhyeong really just invite me for dinner?   
Donghyuk too, but it's still… 

I didn't really think he likes our company.   
Usually when Donghyuk and I are over he's in his room. He did sit with us a few times, but I could notice he felt uncomfortable, as if his presence was bothering us somehow. 

It really does make me wonder what's with him.   
But at least I found a solution for Donghyuk not to cook late today. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> Please try to be careful with the situation outside.  
> Carry hand sanitizer and look out of people who cough without covering their mouth.  
> If there's a lot of people around or you're feeling unwell, consider wearing a mask 😷
> 
> Stay healthy and look after yourselves ❤️️


	9. Chapter 9

**Yunhyeong's** **POV**

_"So you heard nothing from the police?"_

I hummed, looking through the bank documents I got on my way home today.   
Seems like the bills I canceled didn't charge me much for last month besides what I did use before I left.   
I didn't get letters from the companies, but I assumed they cut everything and sent a letter to let me know.   
I still didn't change my address but if I'm moving out in four months… 

"I mean, I changed my phone number about two times since I got out of there." I sighed, putting everything away. "I did try calling the number they gave me back then, but the case was closed and that's it." 

_"Shouldn't we try and go and check the place?"_ Jinhwan asked, _"I mean, he wouldn't stay there with everything cut off. We can change the locks and fix the place, you can go back there."_

Go… back? Do I want to?   
I mean, it's my apartment, right.   
I bought it. I paid for it. I lived there for two years… 

But all those years are filled with nothing but bad memories. 

I lived there for only a few months before my boyfriend moved in with me. And it was a nightmare to deal with.   
This apartment would be nothing but a nightmare to me. 

"Actually… I was thinking about selling it…" I said. 

I still have four months with Jiwon.   
I'll renovate the apartment, sell it, earn a bit more money and then get a new place to myself.   
A place that will be a new start for me. 

_"Won't you feel bad for selling it? You told me how hard you worked for it and that you're feeling bad your parents paid too."_

"That place is filled with many terrible memories, Jay…" I sighed.

"Then maybe I'll sell it and give what I earn to my parents. I'll start saving for a new one and for renovating. If Jiwon kicks me out before the six months are ending, I'll find a new place to rent." 

_"Yunhyeongie, Jiwon actually likes having you around."_ Jinhwan said, and it kind of surprised me. 

He likes having me? Why? 

_"I'm sure he'll let you stay for as long as you want to. I just hope his boyfriend won't bother you."_

I think Jiwon did mention he's in a relationship. If I'm not wrong he said he moved to another city and sometimes travels to Japan for his work and studies.   
He should be back in a month or two. Won't I bother them more? 

"I'll be fine." I promised, checking the time. "I need to finish making dinner." 

_"Let's meet this weekend and go to your place."_

This weekend…   
It's too soon, yet I probably should go and check the mess if I want to sell it   
I guess I'll have to spend quite a lot to fix it. 

"Okay, thank you, Jay. I really owe you." 

_"Bye Yunhyeongie."_

I sighed amused and put my phone away, dropping myself on the bed.   
Should I really consider going back there? Will I be able to live peacefully in this place? It really has so many awful memories for me. I rather forget them and move on.   
Selling the apartment is my best option. I should talk with my parents about it too and let them know. I didn't tell them about what happened or that I moved out. I gave them enough worries about me with this pain. 

_"I wonder why Jay said Jiwon likes having me around. I'm pretty sure I gave him nothing but problems. He even stopped playing with his friends in our place…"_

I wanted to feel comfortable here. But I reminded myself it's only temporary. There's no reason to feel comfortable in a temporary place.   
It's not my place, it's Jiwon's. I'm here only until I find myself a place which I didn't even start looking for.   
  


"Dinner." I reminded myself and sighed, getting up to go to the kitchen.   
I stopped when I heard knocks on the front door. Who the hell can it be? 

I checked and saw it was Chanwoo. What happened? 

"Hey." I opened the door, seeing he's completely wet. "Are you okay?"

Chanwoo smiled, moving his fingers through his hair. "I uhh... I'm sorry. But my key broke." He showed me half a key he held in his hand. "Is it okay I'll stay here until Donghyuk comes back?"   
I could tell he's not having the best day ever, and now being locked out of his apartment…   
I know it's the last thing someone wants to happen to him. Just because I don't feel completely comfortable around him doesn't mean I'm going to let him stay outside. 

"Of course you can." I opened the door to let him in. "Don't worry about it." 

"Thanks." Chanwoo said and walked in, taking his shoes off.   
Did he not have an umbrella with him? He looks cold… 

"Do you… You should take a warm shower." I noted, "we have clean towels, I'll put your clothes in the dryer." 

"Ah, no no. It's okay." Chanwoo smiled and shook his head. "I don't want to bother you like this. Donghyuk should come in a few hours." 

I looked at him.   
Is he planning to spend all this time with wet clothes and risk getting sick? What the hell is he thinking?   
I came to their place without a warning and even cooked something to eat. Why won't he take a shower at least? 

"Chanwoo, you'll catch a cold." I frowned at him.   
I can't force him, though. I just feel worried that he'll get sick. It's one of the busiest semesters he has from what Jiwon told me and the less sick days he has - the better. 

"Are you sure it's okay?" Chanwoo asked me, taking off his hoodie. 

I was about to say something about him stripping in the hall, but luckily he had a shirt beneath it.   
_"Stop making a big deal out of everything."_ I scolded myself. 

"Yes, obviously. You can also have dinner while you're waiting. I'm almost done." 

I walked Chanwoo to Jiwon's bathroom and took a clean towel out for him.   
He undressed in the shower behind the curtain and handed me his wet clothes which I put in the washing machine for ten minutes. 

"I'll come soon to put it in the dryer." I noted, "take your time." 

"Thanks!" Chanwoo called as he opened the water, letting out a small yell before announcing the water is freezing.   
I smiled at that, surprising myself. I don't feel comfortable around him, yet he makes me smile too often. 

What the hell?   
I mean, we aren't exactly strangers.   
Since I invited Chanwoo and Donghyuk over for dinner, we started a habit of eating together at least once or twice a week. That beside the weekends.   
Donghyuk and Chanwoo worked hard on their studies and their part time jobs, doing their best to live without needing a lot of support from my parents. I remember I was like this as well, and it's exhausting.   
Everything suddenly looks more expensive, you try to balance between your studies and your friendships…

It really is difficult.

I made sure to be quiet when I walked back to the bathroom to put Chanwoo's clothes in the dryer, hearing him humming to himself.   
I guess the water is hot enough for him now. I set the dryer for 15 minutes before going back to the kitchen to finish dinner.   
It felt all too normal to me. 

I was used looking after others, but I didn't feel comfortable with others caring for me.   
My last relationship I spent almost 80% of it looking after him and the apartment. I cooked, I cleaned, I shopped for groceries and everything else we might need…   
And I got nothing in return.   
The sweet guy I knew disappeared as if never existed and I was left stuck with a nightmare. 

Relationships really aren't for me. Three failed tries should make me understand it.   
Maybe I'll adopt a dog? They're really loyal. A dog won't hurt me… Right? 

While spacing out, I didn't notice the water in the shower stopped running. I didn't notice the door opened and closed.   
I was too busy thinking about what I should do and with taking the plates from the cabinet, that I didn't even notice the footsteps which got closer to the kitchen. 

That exactly what startled me when I finally heard Chanwoo's voice and I ended up dropping my plates.   
There was a crash, followed by another and another. Each crash was louder than the last and I tried to cover my ears as tight as I could to block both the crashing and the screams which followed. 

Not again.   
I won't be able to handle it again.   
  
The sound of the crashing of the plates kept echoing in my head, and the yelling got louder. Someone held onto me and I tried to shake him away.   
  
I want it to stop.   
I want everything to stop.   
I can't stand the loud noise.   
I can't stand those yellings.   
I can't stand this touch. 

I can't stand any of it.   
  


The feeling of someone's touch disappeared, and with that the yelling too. But I was too scared to open my eyes.   
I was too scared to know what's the mess I've done this time.   
I was too scared to know what else I managed to ruin. 

After all, it's only a matter of time until the yellings will start again.   
  


"Yunhyeong…" A soft tone by my ear made me jump in my spot. 

What? 

"Yunhyeong, please don't move… There's ceramics everywhere." 

This voice was too gentle. It couldn't be him. Then who was it? 

I hesitantly opened my eyes, noticing I'm not in the kitchen I'm used to.   
This isn't my apartment. This… 

"Jiwon…" I mumbled quietly.   
Jiwon's apartment. I left mine about two months ago. I don't live there anymore. That's not my place anymore. Then who… 

"Chanwoo...!" I turned around, seeing he was sweeping the floor. 

When he heard his name he stopped and looked at me, giving me a small smile.   
"Hey, be careful, okay?" He asked with the same soft tone I heard before. "You might step on something sharp." 

I looked down at my feet. There really were small pieces of broken plates everywhere.   
There was a mess. A mess that I caused.   
It's my fault for not being able to handle my shit better. And it's my fault Chanwoo is now sweeping the floor.   
  
My fault. Everything is my fault. 

"Hey, Yunhyeong…" 

I didn't look up, but I could hear Chanwoo was walking closer to me. 

"Yunhyeong, just close your eyes and take one deep breath. Can you do it?" 

Can I…   
I guess so. 

So I nodded weakly and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. 

"Good. Can you do it again?" 

I took another deep breath and another, focusing on Chanwoo's calm voice.   
Weirdly enough, it helped, something I didn't really expect.   
But I think that after about a minute I managed to feel calm enough with myself. 

"Better?" Chanwoo asked and I nodded at him, taking another deep breath before sighing in relief. 

I'm fine. Well, as fine as I can be. 

"Good. I'll set the table. Drink this." He said and handed me a glass of water.   
I took it hesitantly, looking at him. Didn't I cause enough trouble for him? Why would he help me? And why should he set the table when I'm the one who should do it? 

"Wait, Chanw-"

"Drink. You need to calm down." He cut me before I could say anything. "I asked for your help out of nowhere, the least I can do is set the table. It's not that hard."   
I looked at him and he looked back at me, smiling softly before walking to the dining table and placing plates with food and silverware on it. 

By then, I finished my glass of water, so I put it on the sink.   
I looked at the floor again. There weren't any signs to plate pieces anywhere. Everything was lying neatly away. 

"Donghyuk said the locksmith should come in about an hour. But if you're uncomfortable with having me here I can wait outside." 

"No, no." I shook my head. "You shouldn't wait outside. I'm sorry for… That. I… It's just…" I can't explain myself without saying something I shouldn't.  
Chanwoo is a college student, he doesn't need to hear about my problems. He probably has enough problems of his own. 

"I'm sorry." I apologized again. "I have a problem with loud noises. It just surprised me." 

"I'll make sure not to scare you next time." Chanwoo smiled, "it's my fault. Now, I'm not going to wait for Jiwon and starve, so let's eat?" 

He's taking it so lightly…   
Is something wrong with me for making such a big deal out of it? Probably.   
It's been two months yet I still can't handle noise or yelling.   
Even when Jiwon is breaking stuff or making too much noise I'm getting all jumpy. 

I nodded at Chanwoo and we both sat down to eat. I guess it's better than nothing.   
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you listen to DEMO.2 yet??   
> https://soundcloud.com/user-337673291/demo2
> 
> Everyone, please stay safe!   
> Most important thing is not to panic and watch out of who you were in contact with.
> 
> I'm really sorry everything is progressing so slowly! 😭   
> I'm trying to give it a... Realistic pacing I guess...
> 
> Thank you so very much for taking your time to read this story, I hope you have a great day ❤️


	10. Chapter 10

**Chanwoo's POV**

I sighed and threw my baseball ball against the wall, catching it as he bounced back at me and throwing it again.   
And again.   
And again.   
  
It bothered me.   
I don't know why, but it bothered me. A lot. Yunhyeong… 

What happened to him exactly?   
He looked like a scared puppy after the plates broke. Something scared him. It's obvious.   
But it wasn't the crashing sound. 

"'Problem with loud noises' my ass." I mumbled annoyed and threw the ball harder. 

'You brat! Stop that!' I heard Donghyuk's annoyed voice. I rolled my eyes, but held the ball in my hand, staring at the ceiling.   
  
The locksmith came about 20 minutes before Donghyuk did and changed our lock. Donghyuk said he'll go tomorrow to duplicate the key since I have an evening shift after my classes.   
So while waiting for him I spent the time with Yunhyeong and I could see he was really uncomfortable after what happened.   
Thank god I watched Jiwon calming Hanbin more than enough times or I would've lost it together with Yunhyeong. I didn't expect this kind of a reaction from him.   
But the guy barely smiles, he always looks nervous, he doesn't really talk much.   
Seems like he's comfortable only with Jinhwan. 

Something was wrong.   
His body language was yelling that something is wrong.   
We had a normal conversation at the dining table, but while watching a movie Yunhyeong kinda zoned out.   
It took him a few minutes to react to me if I asked him a question and I could tell he wasn't completely concentrated on the screen.   
I didn't want to add to his problems if something is wrong, but he insisted I'll stay. Which is something I can say I like about him. 

Yunhyeong is a warm person.   
He's really welcoming and he likes to help.   
He did for me more than I dared to ask for today and it's not something obvious.   
But it seems like he's putting some kind of distance between himself and others.   
I'm not going to start looking into business which are clearly not mine. 

I just hope that he's okay. Because he doesn't look okay.   
  


"You kid! I told you to stop!" Donghyuk said annoyed as he walked into my room.   
I caught the ball I threw and smiled softly. 

"I'm bothering your sleep or something?" 

"I'm trying to study. Stop that." 

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." I sighed amused and put the ball away. "Go study, you nerd." 

"I swear I'll tell your parents to take you back. You're annoying."   
Donghyuk gave me a look and walked out of my room. I chuckled at that. As if he could live here all on his own. 

It was difficult for us to get along at first.   
Well, more like impossible. But then we met Jiwon and Hanbin and got closer to them and somehow got closer to each other.   
I can't say he's a bad roommate. Junhoe would be a terrible one.   
The only reason he's not sharing an apartment with us is because he's taking online courses. And he likes Jinhwan more. 

It must be nice for him… to be with someone he cares about so much. 

I sighed and took my phone from my nightstand to go through a few videos before going to sleep.   
I need to get a bit more sleep tonight if I want to survive tomorrow's shift. 

* * *

"What's going on with you lately?" Donghyuk asked during dinner. 

I looked at him with a frown before taking another bite off my food. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean, you're spacing a lot more lately. You don't make mean comments at Jiwon when you play, and your grades started dropping. You have your exams in two weeks!"   
I sighed, moving my fingers through my hair as I looked down at my plate.I didn't think it was that obvious… 

"I just…" 

I know why.   
But I don't want Donghyuk to know why.   
I know what he'll say about it and I know what he'll do if he'll know.   
  
It's been three months since Yunhyeong moved in with Jiwon, and lately I've been thinking about him more and more. I guess it's because of the incident which happened a few weeks ago.   
We didn't talk about it, and I didn't bring it up because I assumed Yunhyeong wouldn't feel comfortable talking about it. He couldn't even tell me what happened.   
I could tell that he was more nervous around me now, but if I asked him how he is or helped him with carrying his groceries, he answered calmly and even if just for a second - he smiled.   
And god, I want to see him smile more often. 

Yunhyeong really was a kind and caring guy. He's doing a lot for Jiwon and for me and Donghyuk, and he cares about the people close to him.   
I can only assume he had some 'bad luck' to make him all nervous and jumpy. And honestly - I understood that I like him.   
I really like him. 

He's a good looking guy.   
He's really thoughtful.   
He helps me a lot.   
I found this shyness of his quite cute. And I just… 

I like him.   
Since I saw him sleeping on our couch while waiting for Jiwon I thought to myself that his peaceful expression makes him look cute.   
And I want him to smile more. Every time I manage to catch him smiling, it makes me feel somewhat happy.   
I want him to be comfortable and happy here. But what exactly can I do about it already? 

"Chanwoo!" Donghyuk snapped me out of my thoughts, making me look at me.   
"What the fuck? You're seriously daydreaming while I'm telling you to concentrate?" 

"I'll do better, I promise." I rolled my eyes. "I'll study for my exams. Don't worry." 

Donghyuk sighed in frustration and shook his head.   
I understand he's worried, and it's nice he's treating me like a younger brother. 

Since we moved to live together he's really been looking after me like after a brother, and I saw him and the others like my older brothers.   
Although we don't know each other since childhood, we all got pretty close to each other. And I simply don't want Donghyuk to start freaking out if he'll know I like Yunhyeong.   
More importantly - I don't want the others to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update, but we're slowly reaching to the point of this story!  
> Hope everyone is staying careful, please take care! ❤️


	11. Chapter 11

**Yunhyeong's POV**

"Dude!! Dude guess what!" I heard Jiwon as he walked inside the apartment. "I just met Donghyuk downstairs!" 

"Did you now." I said amused, not looking away from the movie I was watching.   
Jiwon will never even say 'hey' or 'I'm back' when he returns home. He'll always say the most random thing to start a conversation. But I learned how to live with it.   
  
And I felt less like I don't belong in his place.   
After going with Jinhwan to check on my old apartment, I understood I actually like having his company. Donghyuk and Chanwoo's too. 

The apartment was still in a huge mess, and it smelled awful in there. But more importantly - it looked cold and lonely.   
I lived there on my own for a few months, and the two years after that were horrible.   
Simply standing there brought back all the awful memories of the night I left and Jinhwan had to calm me down.   
  
We changed the lock that day and cleaned what we could.   
Besides moving out all the broken furniture and painting the walls, there wasn't a lot of work to do, and I was grateful for this.   
Now, Jiwon's apartment felt more like home.   
  


"Jiwon, calm down." I heard a sigh and looked at the people who walked into the living room. Jiwon was cheerful as always and Jinhwan who followed him simply rolled his eyes.   
Right, Jiwon said they're meeting. I just didn't know Jinhwan will come over. 

"Dude! He said the brat likes you!" Jiwon said with excitement.   
I raised my eyebrow at it, giving Jiwon a confused look before looking at Jinhwan. The brat… Does he mean Chanwoo?

"Huh?" Is he out of his goddamn mind? How can he even come up with something like.. **That**?   
"You are definitely making up things." I said, returning to my movie. I didn't really spend any time with Chanwoo like I did with Jinhwan and Jiwon.   
We did say 'hey' to each other when meeting in the hall, and I did talk with him a bit when he and Donghyuk came over for a movie night or games night with Jiwon.   
I also walked a few times to their place to borrow some things Jiwon didn't bother buying or ask them if they want to eat since Jiwon was ordering food.   
  
Chanwoo seemed like a really sweet guy. But I fucked up terribly the other night when he was over.   
I'll only bring him more problems if that's really the case. Why the hell would Chanwoo like me? 

"Actually… he's telling the truth." Jinhwan sat next to me, pausing the movie. "Dong said he talked with Chanwoo and he's thinking how to ask you out on a date."

"And why would he like me?" I asked. "Not to say ask me out. This doesn't make any sense." I sighed, shaking my head.   
Chanwoo...likes me? Why would he? What the hell is there in me to like?   
I'm a whole mess… 

I had a crush and he used me.   
Another guy flirted with me and used me as well. The third guy…   
Chanwoo doesn't seem like a bad guy. But then again, nobody actually seemed like the bad type.   
  
But I wasn't careful enough with any of them and let myself get hurt over and over. I don't want it.   
I won't handle it a fourth time.  
  


"Chanwoo might be a brat, but he's a good guy." Jiwon argued. "Dong said he hasn't been concentrating enough because he's busy thinking about you."   
  
I sighed, moving my fingers through my hair. "Jiwon, stop that. Even if Chanwoo will ask me out, my answer will be 'no'. It doesn't really matter either way." I shook my head. "I already have one guy bothering me. I really am not in the mindset for dating now."  
I changed my phone number **again** after getting more annoying messages. I don't understand how he even got my number, but he did.   
And I blocked him. But he simply used a different number so I had to change mine. Jinhwan already got tired of updating my contract information every time. 

"Yunhyeongie…" Jinhwan gently placed a hand on my shoulder. "I get it. But I don't think you should say 'no'." He looked at me with slight concern. "Chanwoo doesn't usually show too much concern or care for someone like this. I really think he has a soft spot for you from all the times I talked to him. He's a nice kid. He's not like **him**."   
  
I looked at him before looking down. "I'm not going to say yes just to make him get his hopes up and then be disappointed. It hasn't been long enough. Dating is the last thing I think of..."   
I'm not exactly someone's first choice when it's about dating. I've only been used until now by others. I lost any hope I'll ever have someone like Jinhwan has Junhoe. I already accepted the fact I'll never have a normal and peaceful relationship.   
I don't want to get into a relationship again just to get my own hopes up and then get hurt. I don't want it. 

"Yunhyeongie," Jinhwan said softly. "I get you. I'm not going to force you to date him. But you should consider it. He's a nice kid and it might cheer you up a bit to go out with someone."

I chuckled at that. "Cheer me up? Really? What might make me cheer up is if life would stop fucking with me. I have so much to repay you and Jiwon for that I don't even know where to start! I'm only starting to get used to how things are. I don't need this now, Jay. I really don't." 

"C'mon Yunhyeongie." Jinhwan bit his lower lip. "I want you to be happy…"  
  
I didn't have any power to argue anymore. I don't understand why he's pressing on it so much.   
A date with Chanwoo was the last thing I felt like thinking about. Why is he so sure that's what will make me happy?  
Life was finally starting to feel normal, more or less. I finally started liking my stay at Jiwon's and got used to the interactions with Donghyuk and Chanwoo. But even that won't last long. I have only three more months left.   
So a date? Now? 

"I… I don't know. I have to think about it. Okay?"

"Okay." Jinhwan nodded. "Just please promise me you'd actually consider his offer instead of strictly saying no. Okay?"   
  
I nodded. The least I can do is try. If Chanwoo really would ask me out… I guess I can agree on one date.   
And then he'll understand just what a terrible idea that was. 

  
"Awesome!" Jiwon said cheerfully. "Who's hungry, I'm getting take out."   
  
Jinhwan and I sighed amused at that, letting the guy do as he wishes.   
I understand Jinhwan only cares about me and he'll never try to suggest something that will hurt me. He helped me so much during those months and he still tries to help me. I couldn't ask for a better friend and I'm thankful I have him in my life.   
Chanwoo…

It's nothing against him.   
I'm unsure about him because after three failed relationships, you can't help but develop trust issues. And although knowing Jinhwan and knowing he won't harm me, there were times I didn't trust him too. But I knew to push it aside because he's my closest friend.

_"I just hope things will work out."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> Uploads schedule might be updated!  
> I'll let you know the next update. 
> 
> Please stay safe and watch over your health.  
> It's the most important thing now. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I'll be happy to hear your opinions as well.  
> Have a nice day and take care ❤️


	12. Chapter 12

**Chanwoo's POV**

I'm going to kill Donghyuk.   
I swear to god I'm going to kill him. He's dead.  I'll starve because no one will cook, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. 

Fuck. 

He didn't stop pressuring me, asking what's wrong again and again and again.   
I tried to focus on my studies better to get him off my back, but he kept insisting.  This is one of those times I curse him for being my roommate.   
So annoying, I swear. 

So, after about a week of him doing so, I had enough.  He managed to annoy me so much that I told him the truth - I told him I worry about Yunhyeong and that I like him. 

At first, he simply laughed, saying how 'adorable' it is for me to have a crush.  Fucking great.   
Then he told me I need to focus on my studies instead of thinking about my 'little crush' and it's not a reason to start failing right before my exams.   
I told him I'm trying and I promise I'll improve. 

And then he told me the stupidest thing - Yunhyeong is too old for me.  I seriously tried to understand what's going through his stupid brain.   
We had only three years difference, exactly like Junhoe and Jinhwan. I can like Yunhyeong if I want to. What is this bullshit? 

But I was scared of one thing - I was scared he will tell Jiwon and Jiwon will tell Yunhyeong.   
I don't want him to find it out from someone else. I want to be the one to tell him. 

So I made Donghyuk promise to keep his stupid mouth shut or I'll kill him in his sleep. 

  
  


I sighed, messing my hair in frustration as I made my way into our building.  It's so stupid…   
  
I tried to think about a nice outing for Yunhyeong and I but all I could think of is taking him to see a movie.   
Jinhwan said we have a similar taste in movies so I can assume he'll be okay with what I choose. 

"Oh, hey Yunhyeong." I greeted him when I saw him in the hall, trying to reach for his keys while holding about three grocery bags.  
Isn't it heavy? 

"Here, let me help you." I took the bags from him to let him reach the key. 

"Thank you, Chanwoo." He thanked me, opening the door.   
Instead of letting him take his bags back, I told him to walk inside, helping him carry the bags to the kitchen.  He clearly looked uncomfortable about this and even tried to protest, but I didn't let him. So he gave up. 

I put the bags down and started helping him put everything in place, thinking I should use this chance I have now with him.  It shouldn't be too hard. 

_ "Just ask him if he wants to watch a movie. Friends watch movies."   
  
_

"So… Yunhyeong…" I said unsure, gaining his attention.   
He stopped what he was doing and looked at me in wonder.  I'm not really good at reading body language, but from the way he stood, I could tell he's defensive.

Shit.  I hope I didn't scare him. 

"Uhh, I just wanted to say that… there's a new movie I want to see." I paid my attention back to the groceries, taking everything out the last bag before putting it away.  "And… I was wondering if you're not busy tomorrow we can go see it together?" 

"A movie you say…" Yunhyeong mumbled, looking away as he put the groceries he held in their place.

I probably didn't say that right, did I?  I fucked.   
I should have thought of a better way to ask him out. Or at least do it in a less obvious way.   
But I can't back down now. 

"Yeah," I nodded, leaning against the counter.  The most important thing is not to freak out myself and not to scare him. "We can get some lunch later if you want. I know a nice place." 

"Isn't there anybody else available?" He hummed, avoiding looking directly at me and busying himself with making sure to place everything neatly in its place.  "Friends from your classes or maybe your roommate? Better than to go with someone you barely know." 

"So… it's a no…?"  I couldn't help but feel disappointed.   
It's just a movie.  I mean, I knew my chances are probably smaller than zero. He probably sees me as a kid like everyone else does. 

But I am serious about this.   
I know it's stupid, but it's clear Yunhyeong needs more help than I do. And I want to help him.  There isn't much I can do, but I will do my best to help with what I can. 

I guess I simply got my hopes up for nothing. I should have listened to Donghyuk when he said to leave it.   
  


"No, no. I'll go with you."   
  
I looked at Yunhyeong who seemed hesitant, and he still avoided looking at me. But I swear I heard him saying that he'll come. 

"Really?"  I think I sounded more excited than I planned to, but I couldn't help it.   
It's not much, not even an official date, but if I get the chance to take Yunhyeong out with me… Even for a bit… 

"Well, I don't have anything else to do…" Yunhyeong shrugged and I tried not to take too personally the tone he used to say it.   
The possibility Yunhyeong will even like me is small enough already, if not non existent, I know.  But it's not going to stop me from trying. 

  
I finished helping him setting everything before putting the empty bags away.  "So… I'll pick you up tomorrow?"

"Sure." Yunhyeong nodded, walking me to the front door.   
I have to find a way to calm myself down until tomorrow or I really am going to lose it from the excitement. 

_ "It's just one non-official date." _ I reminded myself.  _ "It means nothing." _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> Quarantine.   
> Malls, cafes, shops... Everything is closed.   
> Shelves in the markets are getting emptied by people who think the world ends tomorrow.   
> Unexplained panic around toilet paper...
> 
> I know the situation isn't idle, but there are people who need those supplies more.   
> Be thoughtful of each other and most importantly watch over your health and your family's.  
> Be cautious when going out, wash your hands properly...   
> We'll go through it ❤️
> 
> Updates will be every Monday, Thursday, and Saturday.   
> Take care everyone!


	13. Chapter 13

**Yunhyeong's POV**

"Hey Yunhyeong." Chanwoo smiled at me as I opened the door for him the next day. "Ready to go? I already bought us the tickets."

"Oh? Tell me how much they cost, I'll pay you back." I said, but he shook his head. 

"Let's go?" 

"Let me just get my shoes." 

He nodded and waited for me to put on my shoes.  
I said goodbye to Jiwon and followed Chanwoo outside of the apartment feeling a bit… uncomfortable. 

Jinhwan and now Jiwon were the only ones I could go out with without feeling out of place.   
It took a bit longer with Jiwon, but I got used to him. Being alone with Donghyuk still wasn't something I could do without feeling awkward, but at least it didn't feel uncomfortable. Chanwoo… 

I don't know why, but I just can't seem to feel comfortable with him. And now knowing that he likes me…   
It made it even worse.   
  
I almost said no to him when he asked me out. I completely forgot Jinhwan and Jiwon told me he likes me and plans to ask me out. But he looked and sounded so disappointed when I asked him to go with someone else…   
I didn't have the heart to do it to him.   
He's three years younger and he probably developed a simple crush. Why? I don't know why.   
But there's no harm in going on one date, right?   
  
  


"So how's work?" Chanwoo decided to ask, making me chuckle.   
It still surprised me every time he managed to make me smile or laugh. Jinhwan could because he always cheered me up.   
Jiwon could because he was impossible to deal with, but still a funny guy. 

"Fine." I sighed amused. "I'm thinking about getting a new one though, I could use some extra money. And how is your studies going?"

Chanwoo sighed as I asked that, shaking his head.   
"I have exams starting next week and I'm so not ready. My grades even dropped. I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail."

"Well, make sure to study hard!" I scolded him. "It means no sitting and playing the whole week."   
I remember studying for my exams and finals. It was a huge pain. There's so much information to memorize and each teacher prioritized his own subject. I also had a really difficult time studying alone, but a study group was out of question.   
I sighed. Life for me didn't change at all.  
  
I never had many friends or someone who I could call a best friend. I was by myself most of the time, and when I wasn't - I was getting bullied.   
Because I trusted just about anyone I got hurt a lot. It's a miracle I managed to finish highschool with good grades and most of my sanity.   
Just to end up with a jerk.   
Just to end up in someone else's place while having an apartment I own. 

"Yeah, Donghyuk said he will disconnect my console and lock me in my room if he'll have to." Chanwoo sighed, shaking his head. 

"Because you need to study."

"But it's so tiring." Chanwoo complained. "I'm going to finish my third year and I feel like I had enough."

I had a feeling it's a bit more complicated than having zero will to study, but I decided not to say something about it. It's clear Chanwoo needs a push, and only threatening him isn't going to help.   
"Then study for me." I said, humming softly. 

I shouldn't be playing with his feelings. And I'm not trying to.   
Jiwon mentioned he's so distracted that he can't study because of me. Then I want to give him some motivation instead. Even if I shouldn't have said that.   
"I know that studies aren't everything in life, but it's important." I shrugged, "so make sure to try and do your best, if you'll get good grades, I'll make you your favorite. Okay?" Chanwoo really seemed to like what I make, so why not use it against him? 

I noticed the smile on his face as I suggested that.  
"Now you're talking." He said before nodding. "Okay. I promise I'll do my best." 

I really don't understand how or why he finds my cooking good, but as long as it makes him study…  
I don't want him to fail.  
  
  


Since Chanwoo said he got tickets, I got us food and drinks, not letting him pay for what he ordered. He tried to protest, but I argued back and he soon gave up, leading me to the theatre.   
He's working hard to support himself. If he got us tickets it's only fair I'll pay for the rest. 

Chanwoo told me a bit about the movie on our way, and it sounded interesting so I wasn't against it. He also seemed really excited so I just went with that.   
I didn't really have too many opportunities to watch movies or TV shows before, but after moving in with Jiwon I started to enjoy it more.   
  
The movie was actually quite good.  
Chanwoo made a few jokes about it and I couldn't help but chuckle at them. He was impossible. 

I jumped in my spot when I felt him hesitatingly holding my hand. Out of reflex, I pulled my hand away from his touch.   
I can't say I hated it, he simply surprised me. I was used to having Jinhwan close to me. I didn't mind his touch when he hugged me or sat a bit too close to me. 

But I wasn't used to it around others. Even Jiwon knew to keep his distance from me although he was reckless.   
Chanwoo's touch wasn't even harsh, it was actually really careful. And it was another thing which surprised me a bit. 

I wasn't used to it.   
I wasn't used to any of it. 

Chanwoo took his hand back, and although he kept staring at the screen like nothing happened, I could notice his disappointment.   
I felt bad with myself. I shouldn't have said yes.   
I shouldn't have agreed to go on this date.   
I shouldn't have gotten both of our hopes up.   
  
Chanwoo deserves better. And I can't even go on one date without feeling like every little action is meant to hurt me.   
  
  


For the rest of the movie, Chanwoo still made jokes and still talked with me. I responded and tried to act as if everything is normal but I knew it wasn't.   
Just like the day I broke those stupid plates, everything is my fault. 

Since we ate a bit too much popcorn, we decided to skip the food and get milkshakes instead. Chanwoo paid for it this time although I didn't allow him to and smiled at me when I told him it's unfair. 

  
"So, did you have fun today?" Chanwoo asked me as we were making our way back to our building, each drinking his shake. 

"I had lots of fun." I smiled, looking at him before looking back at the road and the down. I need to talk with him.   
I can't leave him with a hope that everything is okay. I can't act like everything is okay. 

I looked down at his hand, slowly reaching my hand to brush my fingers against his and holding his hand. It felt… Warm.   
Chanwoo's hand felt really warm. I like it. 

Chanwoo didn't say anything, but I could notice him smiling as he took a sip from his drink.   
Is he really happy because of this? Could it be I misunderstood his crush?   
He's still young… How serious can he already be? 

  
When he approached our building, Chanwoo was about to enter but I stopped him, getting a confused look. How am I supposed to reject him without hurting him?   
I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want him to think it's his fault. It could never be his fault. 

I sighed, looking at him. "Chan, you're a really sweet guy…"

"But you don't like me." Chanwoo interrupted me. "Donghyuk told you, didn't he?"

"It's not that." I shook my head. "Even if he did… I enjoyed today, I really did. It was a really nice date. But I'm simply… not ready for a relationship right now." 

"Yunhyeong-" 

"Chanwoo, I'm sorry. Please don't feel bad. I… I need to make some order in my life before I could even think about something like this. And you also need to focus on your studies now." I looked at him in slight worry.   
I really felt bad for disappointing him like this, but I didn't really have any other choice. I just can't bring myself to date anyone at this moment.   
I still had my concerns and problems to deal with… It was too much at this point. 

"I'll still keep my promise, so you should keep yours and study hard. You can't fail. And I live just across the hall until Jiwon kicks me out, so…" 

I felt him holding my hands a bit tighter. "I'll wait for you then."  
I pulled it away, surprised by his sudden action. He didn't mean to hurt me, I know that. But this sudden action scared me.

"I'm… Sorry." Chanwoo apologized, looking down. "I didn't mean to. But I am serious. You said you can't because you're not ready yet. So I'll wait until you'd be ready." 

I looked at him. It's been only three months. How much does he like me to say something like this?   
Wait for me…? What if he'll be disappointed again? What if I won't like him as he likes me? Who knows how much time would it even take?   
Why does he keep fighting on it like this? 

Why… 

"Focus on your studies, okay…?" I asked quietly.   
This should be more important to him at this moment. He'll forget about his little crush soon. It's nothing.  
  
"I will be waiting to hear your scores."

He nodded, and I could see his disappointment in his eyes.  
I feel terrible for doing this to him. He's a sweet guy. It's not his fault but mine. 

"I'm sorry, Chan…" I said quietly. I didn't think something like this would even happen.   
I planned to stay for a bit at Jiwon's, find a new job and a new place and move out. Maybe try and get my apartment back. To do something about the mess I created.   
I didn't plan for someone to like me.   
After everything I've been through, I never thought someone would even actually like me. 

"I really am sorry."

He shook his head."It's okay. I understand." He smiled at me. But I could see he was forcing himself to do so.   
He didn't mean it. 

_'Great job, Yunhyeong, hurting this guy like this..._ ' I thought to myself. 

Chanwoo waved goodbye at me before walking inside his apartment, and without any choice I walked inside Jiwon's, sighing deeply.   
This could have been avoided if I just said no in the first place.   
  
But… I did enjoy this date. Chanwoo is a really nice guy. He's the only guy who actually took his time with me and tried to understand me in a way. I'm simply not ready.  
I don't want to end up being hurt again. I already gave up on having a relationship like Jinhwan has.

* * *

**Chanwoo's POV**

"So how did it go?" I heard Donghyuk's voice as I went inside our place, leaning against the door.

I sighed, looking down.   
I understand why Yunhyeong rejected me. It's obvious something is going on with him and I'm not going to be the one to start bothering him with his problems. But I do want to help.   
I want to cheer him up a bit. I want to see him smiling more. 

"I… he rejected me…" I said quietly.   
I know it's not his fault, but I couldn't help but feel… Disappointed. I actually like him. 

He seemed really nervous when he first moved in with Jiwon, and I couldn't help it but feel bad the idiot locked the guy outside on his first day here.   
But during those three months I learned that Yunhyeong is actually a really nice guy even if he was a bit distant at times or if he wasn't all too open about himself. I saw him smiling to himself a few times while making dinner, and I actually wanted to see him smile more.   
Jiwon wasn't the only reason I came over to his place anymore, but now… 

"C'mon, don't feel bad." Donghyuk messed my hair. "I'm sorry you got rejected, but maybe it was just not meant to happen."

No. He said he's simply not ready yet. He never said he doesn't like me, right?  
I want to believe I still can have a chance. He clearly sees me as a kid.  
I simply need to prove to him that I can maintain a relationship. 

"Chan-"

I ignored him and walked to take a shower.   
I won't push it on Yunhyeong again. I'll give him his space and focus on keeping my promise to him and study hard. That's the best I can do now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I understand this date might not went as you wanted, but this will get better!  
> This might be over 20 chapters, so please bear with me! I'm really trying my best to write it as well as possible!
> 
> With the situation outside, please watch over yourselves! ❤️️


	14. Chapter 14

**Chanwoo's POV**

I hummed to myself as I opened the mailbox, looking through the letters we got.   
Some were bills, some were spam, and…  
A copy of my midterm exams! God, I've been waiting a month for this. A whole month since I got rejected by Yunhyeong. 

But I've been trying to keep my promise to him. I took the entire week to myself to study so I could get a good grade.   
The crush I had on him was starting to turn into something more during that time too. What isn't there to like about him?   
He's sweet, thoughtful and when he smiles he looks like the cutest thing in the world. Not to say beautiful…

I don't think he has any idea how beautiful he is.   
  
I've been studying really hard and did my best to focus better during my classes, I borrowed notes from my classmates and studied every minute I had in the library for those exams. I want to show him I can be serious, that I can take care of him if he'll give me the chance to do so.   
So I smiled like an idiot at the entrance of our building when I checked my scores.  
It was the highest I ever got! I did it. And I can't wait to show it to Yunhyeong. I want him to be proud of me. 

I'm not sure if he's home now since he mentioned he started a new job and his hours were different now. I didn't see him around much, but on the times I did, he seemed both troubled and slightly better.   
He also didn't act weird with me after our meeting, but I could tell he was feeling guilty. I wish he didn't. It's not his fault.   
Something bad happened to him, I know that. He's always so jumpy and even doing something meaningless like holding hands makes him hesitant. So I'll be patient.   
I'll wait for him to be comfortable enough. 

For now, I'll continue studying hard and acting as if nothing happened. 

  
"I'm home!"

"Chan?" Donghyuk called from the kitchen when I walked in. "Did you get your scores?"   
He's been nagging me non stop about my midterms. He didn't trust me to study enough and because I was failing my works he put even more pressure on me.   
But I decided to study hard and take it seriously, so he didn't threaten me too much and usually checked on me if everything was okay because I was quiet. 

"Yeah, failed every single one." I smiled, knowing well it's the one thing he won't forgive me about. 

"You brat." Donghyuk complained as he walked out of the kitchen and I couldn't help but chuckle from seeing him wearing an apron covered in flour.  
"Give me that." He took the letter from my hands, opening it to see my scores. 

I watched how his expression went from annoyed to surprised as he looked at my scores, checking them again and again. 

"Your name is written here." 

"I know." 

"Those can't be your scores. You can't be that smart." 

"Well, excuse me, Mr. Straight A's." I took my letter from him. "I studied hard for this."

"I'm really proud of you." He chuckled as he put a hand on my shoulder. "Don't forget to tell your parents, they'll be happy to see you might actually have your degree." 

"Right, I forgot I need to give them a call." I nodded, looking at the letter again. I don't think I ever felt this happy to receive my scores. 

* * *

**Yunhyeong's POV**

I sat on the couch, holding a pillow tightly against me as I looked at the two guys sitting next to me.   
Jiwon had a guilty expression on his face and the other guy seemed quite awkward and sat in silence. This day can't get any worse, honestly. 

I came back from work only to hear the water in the shower running. I assumed that's Jiwon because he had the day off so I changed my clothes and walked to the kitchen to make something to eat.   
It was a long day and I was quite tired. I wanted to eat something and go to bed. But things slowly started working out for me.   
Jinhwan helped me finish with my apartment, and it looked better. The bad smell was gone, everything broken was thrown away, we painted the walls thanks to Junhoe's help and pretty much brought everything back to order.   
There were no signs someone tried getting in there. I stopped getting all kind of messages to my phone…   
  
I was finally feeling a bit of peace. 

Since everything was coming to place, I decided to make a small change and color my hair about two days ago. Jinhwan was the one to encourage me while Jiwon told him to stop dragging me into his bad habits.   
Jinhwan colored his hair maybe four times for the past three months but his hair still stays so healthy! I don't understand how!   
  
He went with me to the salon and told me I should probably go blonde. I was nervous because blonde is quite a drastic change. 

"C'mon, Yunhyeongie! It will look good!" Jinhwan insisted. 

I remember he himself once colored his hair dirty blonde, and it looked good. But that's because it's Jinhwan. Everything looks good on him. 

"As someone who damages his hair at least once a month, you have no right to drag me into this." I noted. 

"First, I'm not damaging it." Jinhwan made a displeased expression. "Second, I don't see anything wrong with changing the colour once in a while." 

"Well, I heard Junhoe saying you looked really hot when you had your black hair." 

"He always had a problem with me dying my hair." Jinhwan pouted, but I could see him blushing after I said that. Those two…

I really did like their relationship. Even if they could be super clingy with each other, I could see how much they care about each other.   
And I was happy Jinhwan had someone who accepts him and makes him happy. I wish I could have something like this, but I don't think it's the right time for a relationship yet.   
I don't want to take a risk. I was only getting over an awful relationship, dating someone now… 

  
In the end, I went with Jinhwan and colored my hair blonde. And honestly…I liked the result. It looked good and stayed quite soft, not to say my hair was puffier than before.   
  


While I was cooking I heard the water stopped so I called Jiwon, asking what he wants to eat. What I didn't expect was to have a half naked guy walk into the kitchen and place his hand on my shoulder to make me face him.   
I thought it was Jiwon, so I didn't mind. But when I understood I don't recognize the person in front of me, I felt panic.   
Who the hell is he? Did he break into Jiwon's apartment? No, probably not…

I made him let go of me and stepped as far as I could from him, thinking what I should do or what I should say. Jiwon said nothing about having a guest over…   
And the fact he was dressed with only a towel around his waist made everything even worse. 

The guy looked surprised by my sudden action and it seemed like he was looking for the right thing to say. Right then the front door opened and I can swear I heard Jiwon's voice.   
It better be him this time. 

"Hey, Bin, you here?"

"Kitchen!" 

So he knows this guy. And he didn't even warn me.   
I'm going to kill him. 

"Kitchen?" Jiwon made his way into the kitchen, seeing both of us standing there. "Oh...fuck…" He mumbled quietly, moving his fingers through his hair. 

The guy was sent to dress up while Jiwon tried to calm me, promising he'll explain everything in the living room. I didn't even know what to say. What do you say in such a situation?   
  


So that's how I found myself sitting in the farthest corner from those two, giving Jiwon a look for not warning me. 

"So…" Jiwon said, looking at the guy next to him before looking at me. "Yunhyeong, this is… Kim Hanbin. He's my boyfriend." 

Boyfriend? I frowned.   
I think Jiwon did mention it once, and I could hear him arguing in his room with someone, calling that guy 'Bin' as well.   
But he never said that his boyfriend needs to come over today. He definitely didn't mention that. 

"And… He finished his studies. So he came back today and I told him he can stay for the night." He looked away. "Uhh, sorry I forgot to update you…" 

I rolled my eyes, looking at Hanbin who looked at me before looking down as well. Jiwon hit him, giving him a look. 

"Sorry I scared you." Hanbin apologized to me. "I didn't mean to. I was confused when I heard your voice, so…"

I sighed, hugging the pillow I held tighter. At least this was behind us now.   
I was already worried someone psycho broke into our house. Fucking Jiwon… 

But if his boyfriend is here, does it mean I need to move out? The reason he had a free room was because his boyfriend left? Didn't he say six months though? 

"Yunhyeong, I promise this won't happen again. I'm sorry." Jiwon apologized again and I nodded. 

"It's okay, don't worry." I said, looking at Hanbin. "Nice… Nice to meet you." 

"You too! I'm really sorry for what happened!" Hanbin apologized as well. "I forgot Jiwon mentioned you staying here." 

I nodded. Maybe I should go and visit Chanwoo and Donghyuk. Chanwoo should've gotten his grades today, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanbin joined!
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe.  
> It's hard to know when this situation will end but I hope it'd be soon enough.
> 
> Have a good week! ❤️️


	15. Chapter 15

**Yunhyeong's POV**

I said goodbye to Jiwon and Hanbin and walked out of the apartment, knocking on the door across the hall. 

"Oh, hey." I was greeted by Donghyuk who looked at me surprised. "Jay dragged you into the awful habit of bleaching your hair too?" He said amused, letting me in. 

I chuckled at that and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. He's a terrible influence." 

"I've been saying that for years." Donghyuk shook his head. "How can I help you?" 

"Oh, I uh… I actually came to see Chanwoo." I said a bit nervously. "I came to see if he got his grades." 

Donghyuk nodded at it. "He's in his room, probably playing games like always."

I thanked him and made my way to Chanwoo's room. I hope it won't be weird I'm coming over without a notice.  
I think Jiwon sent me both Chanwoo and Donghyuk's numbers but I never used them. I didn't see what for if they live just across the hall. 

"Chanwoo?" I knocked on his room door, waiting for an answer. I frowned when I got none, so I tried knocking again. 

"Just walk in!" I heard Donghyuk calling. "He probably doesn't hear shit!" 

So I opened the door to Chanwoo's room, hoping it's okay.   
He really was sitting by his computer with his headphones, and it looked like he was really concentrated on his game. Of course. 

I smiled amused at it and looked around.   
It's the first time I'm in his room, and I didn't expect it to look so… Clean.   
I mean, he did have a pile of laundry on his bed and I did see a pair of socks on the floor, but besides that… 

It didn't seem like Chanwoo noticed I walked in, so I walked to his desk, taking his grades report before sitting on the edge of his bed, looking through it.   
I usually wouldn't walk around freely and look through others' things. Not to say make myself feel so comfortable like I do now. But it isn't something which isn't normal. I mean, I should stop feeling like I always burden everyone, right? 

While looking through Chanwoo's grades, I found myself feeling quite surprised by how well he did. He really passed his exams with a high score. Even higher than I expected him to get.   
Chanwoo definitely studied hard and did his best to pass his exams just because I asked him too… 

I checked his grades again, smiling to myself. I barely saw Chanwoo since he and Donghyuk didn't come over much anymore.   
They were busy studying and even Jinhwan complained Junhoe wasn't giving him enough attention because of his studies. Those two are simply impossible. 

"Oh, Yunhyeong!" Chanwoo called me.   
I jumped in surprise in my spot but quickly calmed and looked up at him. 

"When did you walk in? And you're blonde?" He asked surprised. 

"Yeah..." I chuckled, showing him his grades. "I'm really proud of you. You studied hard."   
  
I noticed his excited smile as I said that, and god, it really made me feel like praising a kid. Chanwoo looked so happy that I made me wonder just how much he was holding himself back from jumping around the room and yelling in excitement. 

"Well, a promise is a promise." I put the letter beside me on the bed before looking back at him. "Say what you want to eat, I'll make it for you this weekend." 

He nodded, the smile not leaving his face. I chuckled at that as I smiled at him.  
He's such a sweet guy. Chanwoo's kindness didn't feel like an act to me. Even though I noticed he's this soft almost only with me. I wonder why is that…   
Because he still likes me even though it's been a whole month since our so called date?   
I expected him to give up, but it feels like he did just the exact opposite. 

"It suits you." Chanwoo noted when I got up, and I looked at him in wonder. What suits me? 

"This new color, it looks good on you." He smiled, and I felt… Kind of nervous to hear that?   
Not the bad type of nervous, but the type which suddenly made my heart beat slightly faster, even if it's just for a second.   
  
I wasn't used to compliments.   
Jinhwan complimented me, Jiwon too said my cooking is really good. But hearing now Chanwoo saying this... 

"Thank you." I smiled, make sure to keep your grades up, okay? And tell me what time you want to come over." 

Chanwoo nodded and I said goodbye to him, walking back to Jiwon's apartment.   
God, I hope he and his boyfriend aren't like Jinhwan and Junhoe and I won't see them making out in the living room. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Chanwoo's POV**

"Chanwoo, stop!" Yunhyeong tried to move me as he smiled, and I gave up, letting him take over everything. 

Like we agreed, I came over the weekend to have lunch with him.   
I bought some of the groceries because instead of making him cook everything I thought it'd be more fun to cook together. I'm not really good, but I can follow simple instructions.   
  
But Yunhyeong wasn't letting me do anything!   
I tried to ease the mood as much as possible, causing him to laugh and smile from my terrible jokes and my nonsense and I just felt really happy to see him so calm. Yunhyeong was smiling and laughing and god…   
He looked so cute being carefree. Not to say the blonde hair really suited him and it made him look even cuter. 

I really really like him. I can't help it.   
There's something about him which simply draws me closer to him.   
I want to get to know him better.   
I want to be closer to him.   
I want Yunhyeong to know he can trust me. I want…  
  
I want him.   
  


"Chanwoo!" Yunhyeong protested as I stole a bite off the vegetables he was cutting.   
  
I smiled, leaning against the counter close to him. "Well, let me help then!"   
  
Yunhyeong sighed amused, shaking his head. "You know what? Fine. Turn on the stove and pour a bit of oil." 

I nodded and took the pan, pouring a bit of chili oil on it before turning on the stove and placing the pan on it.   
  
Jiwon went out with Hanbin, so we had the apartment to ourselves. Good, because I know for a fact if they were they would have bothered us.   
Or teased me non stop. 

I turned to look back at Yunhyeong who was humming to himself as he cut all the ingredients. I smiled amused at his habit to clap every time he was done with something and looked around to see what to do next.   
He told me to preheat the oven too so I listened to him and did that, waiting for the next instructions.   
  
I have to admit, his cooking skill amazed me. It seems like making food really was cheering him up and he seemed a lot more at ease when he was making food.   
It almost seemed like it was a therapy for him like music was for Hanbin.   
I also tried my best not to make too much noise. I don't want to scare him again. I don't want him to feel scared at all…   
  


"Chanwoo!" Yunhyeong protested when he saw I was washing the dishes.   
  
I smiled, moving the sponge away so he won't take it from me. "Worry about the food." I said amused, watching his displeased expression.   
Just like a kid. 

"I never allowed you to touch the dishes." Yunhyeong pouted, "you're a guest." 

"A guest who turned your kitchen into a mess." I reminded him.   
I ended up spilling a few of the spices Yunhyeong used on the counter while handing them to him. Not to say I almost handed him the wrong ones too.  
He scolded me for not being careful enough and messing the kitchen, but at least no harm was done to the food. I told him I suck at cooking. 

"Chanwoo, no!" Yunhyeong tried to reach for the sponge and I moved it even further, chuckling. 

I think I was taller than him, though not by much. It was adorable seeing him with his pout trying to stop me from doing something so easy as washing the dishes.   
I wanted to stop him by pushing him a bit away, but I remember that he doesn't deal well with sudden touches.   
  
So I smiled amused and put the sponge and the spoon I was holding in the sink and showed him my hands. 

"Don't you dare!" Yunhyeong gasped and then laughed when I tried wiping the soap off my hands on his shirt.   
He stepped away, pointing his wooden spoon at me to keep me away.   
I was amused by his reaction, happy to see him enjoying himself. I don't even know if he was aware of it, but I'm not going to point it out. 

"Jung Chanwoo!" He took a step back as I got closer to him, smiling amused. 

I had to stop myself from hugging him. Damn, he was adorable. 

I took the wooden spoon from him and walked back to the sink to wash that as well. "Check the food, okay Yunhyeongie?"   
I heard him sighing deeply before giving up and checking on our food, so I hummed to myself as I continued washing the dishes we used.   
My crush definitely turned into something more. And while he's not ready to date, I'll be happy to spend time with him whenever I can. 

"This tastes amazing like always!" I said cheerfully when we sat down to eat. "Damn… It was worth studying hard just for this." 

"Yeah, it tastes good considering the fact you nearly ruined everything." Yunhyeong shook his head amused. 

"I cook my way." I hummed, smiling at him. 

I chuckled when I noticed a bit of sauce at the corner of his mouth. Yunhyeong sure is a messy eater, is he really older than me?   
  
Without thinking, I reached my hand to wipe the sauce with my thumb.   
He jumped lightly to my touch, looking at me. I instantly moved my hand away, looking at him back in apology before looking down. 

"Uhh, sorry…" I mumbled. I need to remind myself I can't act so freely with him. I have to give him his time and take everything slower.   
He already rejected me. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable around me again. 

"I'm getting something to drink, do you want anything?" 

"Cola will do." I nodded and Yunhyeong got up to the fridge.   
I sighed, taking a deep breath to calm myself. It's okay… I just need to give him his space. 

I looked at his phone when I heard an alert, followed by another one and another and another. Is this Jinhwan texting him like crazy or Jiwon not being able to keep his shit together? 

Yunhyeong handed me my can and sat back down, looking at his phone before giving it a displeased look and sighing. I wanted to ask if everything was okay but decided not to push it and thanked him instead. 

* * *

**Yunhyeong's POV**

After we ate, and although my protests, Chanwoo helped me wash the rest of the dishes and we decided to watch a movie since we had the apartment all to ourselves.   
Besides, I didn't want to kick him out so soon. His company was calming in a way and he didn't seem too eager to go back home. 

So I let him pick the movie while I brought us drinks and sat down on the couch as well, handing him his drink. Chanwoo smiled and thanked me again, and I couldn't help but smile softly as well.   
I enjoyed today. A lot.   
I always enjoy cooking and how much it calms me, but today I was actually having fun. I don't remember the last time I enjoyed something or someone's company like this. 

While watching the movie I looked at Chanwoo, thinking about what Jinhwan told me. He said I should give him a chance, to date him for a few weeks just to see how I'm feeling about him.   
And honestly? After today I thought I should give him a chance. Why not?   
He's really sweet to me. He can calm me down and make me laugh. It doesn't look like he's acting or pretending.   
Chanwoo is genuinely a kind guy. 

But didn't I hurt him enough? Didn't I already disappoint him when I rejected him?   
Why should I risk hurting him even more? Just because someone is nice to me…   
Not to say, I come with a lot of problems. Trust issues… Trauma… 

I don't know how to be in a functional relationship. I don't know…   
I don't want to pass my problems to him. He needs to focus on his studies. 

_'Yunhyeongie, just try. I understand you don't want to hurt him, but I can promise you he'll know how to handle it. If you'll give it a chance and it won't work out he'll understand that. Really. You both deserve this.'_

I sighed, looking at the TV. I can't focus.   
I just want to have a peaceful life, is it too much to ask? Do I even don't deserve this anymore? 

I looked again at Chanwoo who sat at a distance from me, probably to make sure I'll feel comfortable having him close. I appreciated this.   
I appreciated everything he did for me.   
  
I looked at his hand that was resting to his side and slowly moved my own hand on the couch and slightly brushed our fingers together. Chanwoo looked at me before looking at our hands, hesitantly moving his own away before deciding to hold mine and looked at me as if to make sure it's okay.   
His hand was warm and soft just as I remember it being.   
  
This time I didn't feel the need to pull my hand away since I was the one who tried to hold his hand. It wasn't something which surprised me. So I nodded at him before he'd pull his hand away and looked back at the TV.   
Should I really give him a try? Or should I just give up and hope Chanwoo will find someone better? 

He deserves better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update!   
> I hope you're enjoying the story so far, and thank you so so much for reading ❤️️
> 
> Question - Would you like to read an omegaverse ff Crystal and I wrote?  
> Should I upload one?


	17. Chapter 17

**Yunhyeong's POV**

I hummed softly, hugging the warm object next to me tighter and tried to go back to sleep.  What time was it even…?   
I tried to reach for my phone blindly, but I understood I don't know where I put it.  Where was I even? 

So I slowly opened my eyes and looked around to see I was in my bed, covered with a blanket.  I frowned at that.   
How did I get in here?  This…  This wasn't the room I had at Jiwon's place though.  Am I dreaming? 

Slowly, I got out of bed and walked out of the room, wondering what on earth is going on. 

This was my old apartment.  I would recognize this place everywhere.  But why on earth was I here?   
Now I regret I didn't bring my blanket with me. There was this uneasy feeling in me that something bad is going to happen.  I didn't like it. 

Hesitantly, I made my way to the living room. 

_ "Please let it be a dream, please let it be just a dream." _ I begged over and over in my head.   
  


I peeked inside, just to see  **him** sitting on the couch, watching TV in a low volume.  The guy who still haunted me even five months after I left.   
What on earth... 

"Oh, did you finally wake up?" He smiled at me, and I looked at him confused. 

What... 

"We were watching a movie and you fell asleep." He chuckled and stood up, walking to me.  I instantly felt panic and took a step back from him. 

No...   
It's all in my head.  He isn't here.  He can't be here!   
  


"Hey, baby, what's wrong?" He asked, looking at me in worry.   
But I shook my head, trying to block the voice away.  Please let this be a dream. Please let me wake up! 

I jumped when I heard a loud crash, opening my eyes just to see that the living room disappeared and instead I was in the kitchen.   
He threw everything off the table, giving me a pissed look.   
"You always do that!" He yelled. "You always cry and whine instead of doing something fucking useful! Who the fuck would want a whiny baby like you?!" 

I wanted to forget it.  Everything was finally working out for me.   
So why did I have to remember it  **now** ? 

"You can never do anything right!" 

"Stop! Stop stop just stop!" I yelled back, feeling myself crying. "Stop!" 

I gasped as I felt myself waking up, feeling like I can't breathe.   
It was... A dream...

"Yunhyeongie..." I heard a soft voice, and only now I realize I was covered with a blanket and being hugged by someone.  This voice... 

"Yunhyeongie, take a deep breath... It's okay... Everything will be okay..." 

I tried to breathe but ended up sobbing, and then crying into Chanwoo's shoulder.  I didn't even bother stopping myself.   
Why on earth did I have to dream this now...?  Do I really not deserve to be happy?   
Just when things started working out, I'm being dragged back down by my feelings.  Why is it like this?!

"It's just a bad dream... You're safe... I promise you... "

Bad dream…   
More like a nightmare.  A nightmare I lived in for the past two years…   
Is it really going to hunt me for the rest of my life? 

Chanwoo made me lie back down, holding me close as he brushed my hair.  It was comforting in a weird way, but at least it helped. 

"I'm sorry…" I mumbled as I sobbed. 

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Chanwoo said softly, "let me bring you water?" 

"Don't!" I held onto him tightly. "Please… Don't…" 

So he made sure I'm covered well instead and continued brushing my hair.  God, I don't deserve him being so gentle with him.   
I don't deserve having him here to comfort me.  I don't deserve him worrying about me instead of himself… 

"Why didn't you go home…?" I asked him quietly, slowly calming down. 

"Nah, I didn't want to leave you alone." He hummed. "Jiwon won't be back today and I thought it'd be rude to leave you all by yourself after you fell asleep. And now I'm happy I didn't go."

He is really sweet.   
I loosened my hold of him but still didn't let go. I had this worry that if I'll dare to let go or if I won't feel his touch anymore, this nightmare will come back and I won't be able to run from it. 

"You really didn't have to, but thanks… Sorry I fell asleep."

"It's okay, you were probably really tired." 

I hummed. "It's just… Things simply have been so exhausting lately…" I sighed.  
I wonder when things will finally stay calm instead of having my feelings go through ups and downs, like this.  Not to say, I need to change my phone number again. 

Maybe the messages I got were what made me have this nightmare.  Being affected by something so small…   
I really am useless.   
  


"Chanwoo…" I said softly, closing my eyes as I took a deep breath. "Chan… I'm sorry…" 

"Huh? What for?" He asked confused. "I told you it's okay."

I shook my head, that's not what I meant.   
"I'm sorry… For both rejecting you… And now make you do this… I'm really sorry. I feel terrible with myself… but I promise I'm not doing it on purpose…" 

I started sobbing again.  So pathetic.   
I'm three years older than him and I'm acting like a kid.  I'm having him comfort me like this after rejecting and hurting him.  He stayed with me even though I fell asleep and I just…  
I don't deserve it.   
  


"Yunhyeongie… Slow down…" Chanwoo said in worry. "I don't think you're doing anything on purpose. It's not your fault…" 

Not my fault…?  Everything is my fault.   
If I was smart enough to avoid those assholes… If I was smart enough not to let him inside my apartment…   
If I was smart enough to be careful around Chanwoo… 

"Hey, hey… Stop, please…" Chanwoo said in worry. "Do you want me to call Jinhwan? Will that make you feel more comfortable?" 

I shook my head.  Not Jinhwan.   
I'll never be able to repay him for everything he did to me.  To have him now come here and try to calm me…   
It's out of question. 

As selfish as I might sound now, I preferred to have Chanwoo with me now.  And it's so awful of me to ask him to stay… But having him this close was so comforting…   
What is wrong with me? 

* * *

**Chanwoo's POV**

I watched Yunhyeong when he finally fell back to sleep.   
We were watching a movie but he fell asleep. I really can't blame him, he was working hard and now he even cooked with me on his day off just because he promised…

I was wondering if I should go home or not, but after talking with Jiwon and understanding he won't come today I decided to stay. At least until Yunhyeong wakes up.  
I continued watching the movie by myself, and when I was about to check the next one I heard yelling.  I wasn't sure if it was coming from the TV so I muted it and listened carefully.   


When I understood it was coming from Yunhyeong’s room I instantly got up and ran to his room, just to see him sitting on the bed as he held his head in his hands, yelling ‘stop’ over and over.  
I had no idea what to do.  What happened to him? Was he having a bad dream?   
It seemed more like a nightmare…

Like before, I thought the best solution would be to avoid touching him.   
So I took the thin blanket I brought from the living room to cover him to wrap it around Yunhyeong and held him close to myself, softly mumbling to his ear that everything is okay and that he’s safe.

It didn’t seem to help much at first until I heard him gasping.  Seems like he woke up…

When he started crying and apologizing, I seriously thought I felt my heart breaking.   
This guy has probably been through some serious shit to react like this from a dream and he’s apologizing to me for not being ready for a relationship?   
Is he for real?

I’m not going to lie - I did know he doesn’t like me back. And having those small interactions did bring my hopes up.   
But I knew better than to wish for something more at this point.  I’m not going to force my feelings on Yunhyeong. I want him to know he can ask for my help if he needs something.   
Anything.  
  
“Yunhyeongie…” I said softly, making sure he’s covered well. “I’m staying… I’m right here...so no more bad dreams, okay…?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is staying safe!  
> Please make sure to stay inside unless it really is necessary to go outside, make sure to wash your hands the moment you get back home and bring with you hand sanitizer if you have any 🙏
> 
> New poll!  
> If you can please vote on it, I'd appreciate it - https://twitter.com/Nightlily3/status/1242909724166762502?s=20
> 
> What to do in quarantine, iKonic's edition - https://twitter.com/Nightlily3/status/1240590990605516800?s=20
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, have a lovely day! ❤️️


	18. Chapter 18

**Yunhyeong’s POV**

"So, how was the weekend with Chanwoo?" Jinhwan asked me, taking a sip from his iced coffee.

I called him and asked if we could meet, and he agreed.  
After having my breakdown and falling back asleep, when I woke up the second time I wondered if Chanwoo was still in the apartment. And he was. 

I woke up to see him sitting on the floor by my bed, resting his head on the mattress as he slept peacefully.   
Did he stay here all this time? Did Chanwoo really stay with me just in case…   


"It was… Nice. Chanwoo is sweet." I said quietly.   
I don't regret making that promise with him and agreeing to cook him something.   
I don't regret allowing myself to relax a bit because I really did end up having so much fun with him. I don't regret that weekend.   
I simply regret not being able to hold myself well enough and let Chanwoo watch me fall apart like this. 

Chanwoo really is sweet. Too sweet. I've been putting him through so much trouble because I can't even take care of myself…  
And still, when I woke him up he smiled and acted as if everything is okay. And I just can't understand why.   
  
"Then why do you sound so...sad?" Jinhwan asked me in worry, placing a hand over my arm.  
  
I thought about it. How can I even tell him? I don't want him to continue worrying about me. He definitely doesn't have an easy life either.   
I wanted to meet with him only to calm myself a bit. I wanted to figure out what to do with myself. 

"I… ugh… I actually thought to give Chanwoo a chance."   
It wasn't a lie. While we were watching the movie I considered asking him if it's okay we'll date for a couple of weeks just so I could see if this really can work out.   
After having my nightmare I understood I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to drop all of this mess on Chanwoo and ask him to fix it.   
I need to stop being like this. To stop dropping my problems on others. 

First Jinhwan, who helped me so much and came to pick me up the second I called him. He really is an amazing friend.  
Then Jiwon who offered me his apartment for six months, just so I'll have a place to stay at. I didn't think something good will ever turn up in my life. I didn't think I'll ever be able to live peacefully.  
And now things are slowly getting better. 

I am going to sell my old apartment next week, I'm finally going to get rid of it…   
It's one problem less to deal with now. 

  
"So what stopped you?" Jinhwan asked me. "Yunhyeongie, if the guy still likes you… I know Chanwoo. He's stubborn. But he's also caring. He's not going to do anything to you…" 

I shook my head. It's not my point. I'm not scared of Chanwoo hurting me.   
I'm scared of putting too much burden on him. I'm scared of him knowing my problems and understanding it's too much for him.   
I'm scared this thing will never leave me. It's been hunting me for months now. 

"Yunhyeongie…" Jinhwan sighed. "Do you want to go out tomorrow evening? It's a day off and it might help you clear your mind." 

Maybe I really do need some kind of distraction. I can't continue sitting in my room, thinking 'what if' and imagining ridiculous scenarios in my head. It'd be a harmless outing. Maybe I'll even stay the night in Jinhwan's place.   
Just for one day… I'll try to stop myself from overthinking. 

* * *

**Jinhwan's POV**

I smiled at the blonde who sat next to me, ordering us drinks in hope the bartender can even hear me. 

Yunhyeong wasn't too much of a big fan of clubs and loud places, but I'm here to watch nothing happens to him. After talking with him more about his latest relationship I learned exactly where the line is and made sure not to cross it. 

Yelling scared him, especially if it involved cursing. Loud noises of glass shattering or things getting thrown could make him freeze on spot. Unwelcomed or sudden touch could make him jumpy.   
But loud music was still somewhat tolerable to him. And I made sure this club has rooms a bit quieter in case this gets too much for him. I promised him we'll stay for two - three hours max. 

I worry about him almost every day. Since the day Junhoe and I picked him up I couldn't help but be concerned about him.   
Jiwon also updated me about unusual things like Yunhyeong suddenly spacing out, him being jumpy at certain things and that he even sometimes hears him talking in his sleep. And it was nothing good. 

It's clear that being hurt in three different relationships like Yunhyeong has been is nothing pleasant. And Yunhyeong is blaming himself for being 'too stupid'. But he's simply a really trusting guy.   
He always tries to be positive, to help others and see their good side that he often misses their bad side. I want him to be happy with someone who'll be able to look after him.   
  
And while Chanwoo usually acts like a brat, he can be really mature. He'll look for a way to solve his problems by himself and will try to help others in any way he can.   
I can't tell if he's the perfect match for Yunhyeong, but it seems the brat cares for him a lot. And Yunhyeong should at least give him a chance. I just need to convince him to do it or stop being nice and force him.   
  


"So, I hope Hanbin isn't giving you a hard time." I said amused, mixing my drink.   
Yunhyeong and I got a few drinks and decided to sit down in a less crowded place since it seems like everyone was interested in the bar. Hanbin finally returned from his studies, and I can only assume he visits Jiwon regularly.   
I like Hanbin. He can be weird but in a good way, and he's a kind guy too. Jiwon seems happy with him even if all he does is to complain and they have shared interests. 

The plan was for Hanbin to move in after he comes back, but Jiwon decided to let Yunhyeong stay and he's thinking about getting a new place with Hanbin the next year or so.  
Though I don't think he told Yunhyeong that. 

"He's unexpectable." Yunhyeong chuckled, shaking his head. "But when he isn't surprising me while wearing a towel, he's actually nice. He seems to be completely in love with Jiwon." 

"He is." I agreed. "And Jiwon is no less whipped. Trust me."

Hanbin often annoys him and embarrasses him, but he always worries about the guy and makes sure to look after him if Hanbin fails to do so. Almost like how Junhoe and I are looking after each other. Especially in the last month when he was busy preparing for his finals. He still tried to help around as much as possible but I handled most of the work alone.   
Junhoe can seem intimidating. He can also seem quite silly. He is though. But he makes me laugh. He's looking after me and he's being really kind too.   
Dating him is sure a challenge, but it's one I'm glad I took.   
  
  


"Yunhyeongie," I spoke again after a few more drinks, taking his hand in mine. "You said you trust me, right?" 

The blonde nodded, giving me a confused look. 

"Then can you please trust me now, and listen when I say that you really should give Chan a chance?"   
  
Yunhyeong tensed, trying to take his hand back but I didn't let him. This guy is going to listen to me whether he likes it or not.   
I understand his worries. I understand why he's scared to open up and trust someone who says he likes him. But according to what I know, Chanwoo actually cares about Yunhyeong and he's trying to find ways to cheer him up.   
I don't know if Chanwoo is the good choice for him for a long term, but he really could help him now. 

"But-"

"Yunhyeongie, do you really believe every relationship is perfect?" I asked him, making him look at me.

"Do you think relationships simply start out as perfect? No. It takes time to get to know the other person. It takes time to open up to each other and it takes time to find a way you both can help each other. Some work, some don't. Do you think June and I have a perfect relationship? We don't. June has his struggles. I don't always know how to help him. But we keep supporting each other out of care and love for each other. Sometimes when he's having a shit day, I don't know what to do. So I give him his space and let him know he can come to me. The same with him. It's not always easy. But we really love each other… so we don't care if it's not always perfect." 

I thought I might have taken it too far when I felt Yunhyeong holding my hand tighter, looking down. I could tell he was trying to hold himself from breaking down again. God…   
I wrapped my free arm around him, pulling him closer to myself. Yunhyeong already had three far-from-perfect relationships. I understand his concern from getting into a fourth one.   
But being scared to trust another person… continuing to blame himself…   
  
It isn't going to make him feel better. He can't get over this problem alone. 

"Yunhyeongie… I'm not saying you have to open up and share everything…" I said softer. "It takes time… It takes time to build trust and decide if the person you are with is the one you see yourself spending the next few years with. So take your time… But give it a try too… "  
  
I stopped to give Yunhyeong his time to calm, feeling his grip on my hand slowly loosening.

"I also promise that if this brat will hurt you, I'll beat his ass." 

Yunhyeong let out a weak chuckle. "Were you always this violent?"

I smiled, looking at him as I handed him his drink and taking mine as well. "Always." I nodded. "C'mon, let's have another drink and go back home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay safe everyone!   
> Thank you for taking your time to read this story, it's always appreciated ❤️️
> 
> New story poll - https://twitter.com/Nightlily3/status/1242909724166762502?s=09


	19. Chapter 19

**Yunhyeong's POV**

I sighed softly as I leaned myself against the wall by the apartment door. Maybe that 'one more drink' was a bad idea.   
But at least I got home.   
  
I looked through my pockets for my keys to open the door, surprised to see the TV on when I walked in. It was a bit past midnight, isn't Jiwon asleep?   
  
I took my shoes off and walked to the living room only to see Jiwon sleeping on top of Hanbin who was lying on the couch, holding him close to himself.   
Those two… falling asleep like that.   
But I shouldn't wake them up. They already get little sleep as it is. So I covered them with the thin blanket on the couch and turned the TV off before making sure the front door is locked and walked to my room, dropping myself on the bed. 

"I'm not letting Jay take me out drinking again…" I complained, sighing deeply. I can't say I had an awful time. I did kinda have fun going out with him today.   
And what he said actually got me thinking… 

_"It takes time to get to know the other person. It takes time to open up to each other and it takes time to find a way you both can help each other."_

Yeah… It takes time…   
When I'm with Chanwoo I do feel a bit more… Calm.   
He used to make me nervous, but I enjoyed having him over during the weekend. I mean… Before everything went to shit. 

Chanwoo was thoughtful. He didn't try to get closer to me more than I was comfortable with. He insisted on helping me even if I was against it. He didn't leave me and even comforted me when I needed comfort…   
Should I just go for it and give Chanwoo the chance I thought of giving him then? Should I try and trust him with my problem…? 

I hummed softly when I heard my phone notification. I forgot to text Jinhwan I'm okay. I don't think he texted me either.   
But I noticed it wasn't Jinhwan, but an unknown number. I frowned, thinking I should delete this message without bothering to open it.   
But I noticed the name 'Jay' in the text so I opened it.   
  


_'Hey Yunhyeong, Jay told me to text you.  
_ _June said he got back home and wanted to know you're okay too.  
_ _I heard the door to Jiwon's apartment opening, but please let me know you're okay.  
  
_ _Chanwoo.'  
  
_

I don't have Chanwoo's number on my phone? Weird.   
I texted him back that I'm fine and I am going to sleep before saving his number on my phone. 

**Chan:** _'That's good. Get some rest.'_

I smiled softly. 

**Chan:** _'Just… Are you by chance free next week?'_

 **Me:** _'I should be'_

I put my phone away and forced myself out of bed to change my clothes. I should take a shower first thing in the morning.   
And I should have probably got a glass of water, but now I don't want to wake Jiwon and Hanbin.   
  


**Chan:** _'Would you mind going out? Not as a date! I promise! Just… There's this place I thought you'd like. We can have breakfast there.'_

I chuckled to myself, moving my fingers through my hair. 

_'Sure, not cooking in the morning sounds good.'_

**Chan:** _'I'll come by 10 am so it won't be too early.'_

 **Me:** _'Thanks, Chan. Goodnight.'_

 **Chan:** _'Goodnight, Yunhyeongie.'_

I smiled, putting my phone away. I decided to listen to Jinhwan, and I just hope I didn't make a mistake. 

* * *

**Chanwoo's POV**

"I'm going!" I called when I walked out of my room, making sure I have everything with me.   
Yunhyeong and I are meeting today, and even though it wasn't a date, I still felt more excited than I should. I always felt more excited around Yunhyeong.   
I kept studying hard like I promised him, I put more effort in my part time job. And I totally beat Jiwon last week while playing together.   
It's not related, but it's an achievement for me. 

I gave Yunhyeong his space, knowing better than to surprise him or get too close to him without his permission.   
I actually tried to look it up to maybe have a better understanding what causes his behaviour, but I didn't find much besides an explanation about certain anxiety, which seemed close enough to what I saw, but I wasn't sure it was it.   
I wasn't going to start diagnosing him, I'm not a doctor. I just want to know what I can do better and how not to scare him and help him if I'll need to. 

"You're acting like a high school girl with a crush." I heard Donghyuk's teasing tone as I checked myself in the mirror in the living room.

I frowned at that, looking at myself. Did I overdo that?   
I wore a white shirt and a black and white plaid shirt on top of it and ripped black jeans with black boots. It seemed simple enough for me. 

"Shut up." I gave him a look through the mirror. "We're just going to have breakfast." 

I promised myself I won't force my feelings on Yunhyeong. But there's nothing bad about meeting with him and going out, right?   
Even if he doesn't like me back, or he'll never like me back, I want at least to be his friend. I still want to get close to him. Even though he was three years older than me, I could tell he's a real soft and kind guy.   
And I just want him to be happy. And if it's possible, I want to be the one to make him happy one day…   
  


"You're taking Yunhyeong for breakfast but for the three years we know each other you never even offered to take me? That's cruel, Jung Chanwoo." Donghyuk crossed his arms. 

"We're having breakfast every morning." I noted, rolling my eyes. "And you can't stand me for more than an hour. How do I look?" I asked as I turned to look at Donghyuk. 

He sighed and looked at me, fixing my jacket a bit. "Like an actor or some idol." 

"Are you trying to make fun of me?" I raised an eyebrow. 

"No, can't I compliment you?" Donghyuk chuckled. "Go and enjoy your "not a date", Romeo. Update me."

"You're terrible." I gave him a look again before I sighed and walked out to Jiwon's apartment.   
  


I knocked on the door and was greeted by a sleepy looking Jiwon when the door opened. 

"Yunhyeong! The brat is here!" 

"Don't make it weird." I complained. 

"Yeah, yeah. You better bring him in one piece or you'll pay for this."

I was about to answer him but then I saw Yunhyeong walking behind Jiwon. He was apparently wearing a striped green and blue sweater half tucked into black skinny jeans. And he looked so cute today.   
Is it even possible for him to look cuter than he already is?   
  


"Chan." He smiled at me. "I'm putting on shoes and we can go."   
I nodded, smiling back at him. 

Jiwon rolled his eyes and stepped away to let Yunhyeong get out. Yunhyeong waved goodbye at him after making sure he has his key and wallet and we walked down the stairs. 

"You look really good today." The blonde noted when we walked outside the building, letting me lead the way since he didn't know where we're going. 

"And you look…" I hesitated, not sure if 'cute' is the right word to use out loud. "You look really nice too. I like your sweater." I smiled at him. 

Yunhyeong chuckled at that. "Yeah? Jay helped me pick this up. I wasn't sure about it, but now I don't think I hate it." He said and looked at me. 

"So, where are we going?" 

I have to admit, Yunhyeong's mood today was quite cheerful, and I was happy to see him smiling this much. I wonder what could cause this change. I'm not against it. It really makes me happy to see him calm like this. 

"We're going to have a nice breakfast. And you're going to enjoy it." I smiled at him. 

"Is that a threat?" Yunhyeong laughed. 

I felt like I was staring at him, but at this point I could care less. How can a human being look so adorable while laughing?   
I really want to see him laughing like this more often. I want him to be happy more often.   
It's scary just how much I like him. I never really found someone who interests me like Yunhyeong does.   
I don't know if he was my type, but I do know that I like him a lot. Maybe even more than like…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> I hope everyone is staying safe 😊  
> There's a serious outbreak of the virus in my town and they're planning a complete lockdown if things won't change... sigh...
> 
> So please, don't think you're not at risk! Take care of yourselves and let's hope this will be behind us soon!
> 
> This Saturday first chapter of the omegaverse ff is coming up, so please look forward to it.
> 
> Have a great week ❤️️


	20. Chapter 20

**Chanwoo’s** **POV**

We arrived at the cafe quite quickly and ordered what we wanted to eat. 

"So, what have you been up to lately?" I asked while we waited for our food. 

"Nothing much. Work and home as usual. Hanbin is coming over more often, I actually start thinking Jiwon might kick me out in favour of his boyfriend." Yunhyeong said amused. 

"Nah, he'll probably share a room with Hanbin. Or he might move out to live with him and you'll get the place all to yourself." I smiled amused. 

"You just say it because you don't want me to move away." Yunhyeong pouted, and I chuckled at it. 

"You got me. I think I'll miss you too much." 

I regretted it the second I said it out loud. I didn't want to put any pressure on him. I've tried to watch over my mouth so I won't end up embarrassing him or make him feel guilty.   
I spoke without thinking. 

"I mean… I'll miss Jiwon too if he'll move. And Donghyuk…"

"I… Actually...I considered it," Yunhyeong said quietly. "Leaving, I mean."   
  
He paused when the waitress brought our drinks, thanking her with a smile and waiting for her to walk away.  
He held his glass with one hand, focusing more on mixing his drink with his straw than looking at me. "I was burdening Jinhwan, and then I burdened Jiwon… and he told me he needs a roommate for six months and the pressure of finding a job and…" Yunhyeong took a deep breath. 

"But I… I actually started liking living with him. I liked the area, how close it is to my work, and the fact the neighbours are actually nice. Weird, but nice." Yunhyeong smiled at me. "So as long as Jiwon lets me stay, I am staying." 

"You know it means you're stuck with us for a very long time."

He laughed as I said that. God, he looks so adorable when he's happy.   
I remember he barely smiled when he just moved in. I always wondered if there's something wrong or what happened to make him be so distant from people.  
The only one he was actually close with was Jinhwan. 

But seeing him smiling and laughing now… 

We finished eating and I asked Yunhyeong if he would like to take a short walk. It was a really nice day, and even though I don't go out much, it'd be a shame not to enjoy it for a bit.   
Yunhyeong showed no objection so we walked a bit to the closest park and continued talking, me about my studies and Donghyuk and Yunhyeong about his work and Hanbin. Some of the stories included him complaining about Jiwon and it made me laugh. Jiwon really was careless. 

I looked at Yunhyeong when I felt a soft brush of fingers against mine, seeing he was avoiding my look as he hesitantly took my hand in his. I decided not to say something and let him do it, gently closing my fingers over his.   
It didn't seem to surprise him and he didn't pull his hand away. That's good. 

"Uhh...Chan…" He said hesitantly and I looked at him in wonder. 

"What is it?" I hummed, slowly swinging our hands back and forth in hope it'd ease his mind a bit.   
I hope everything is okay. 

"Well, I've been… I've been thinking about what you said. And I feel bad for the way I handled it…" 

"If it's about rejecting me, I told you it's okay." I smiled softly. "I want you to take your time, and if and when you'll be ready and want to give it a try-" 

"So I thought about it. And if it's okay… I want to give it a try…" Yunhyeong said quietly, avoiding my look. "I was thinking about it for a while… But I'm just…" 

Yunhyeong sighed deeply. "I'm not easy to handle… there're so many problems I'm trying to deal with and… -"

"Yunhyeongie, a few problems should be the **last** thing I'll worry about." I stopped him.

"Everyone is handling their own past and problems, right? Some have it easier and some don't. But I don't expect you to tell me what's wrong if you're not comfortable with it. For now… If I can help you or cheer you up… I'll do it." 

Yunhyeong held my hand tighter, taking a deep breath again. Looks like he's trying to calm himself down. 

We suddenly heard loud yelling in the park. From a quick look around, it was just an annoyed looking guy who was sitting on a bench not too far from us, yelling into his phone.   
But Yunhyeong stopped walking, holding my hand tighter as he closed his eyes. 

"Yunhyeongie?" 

He didn't respond to me. I didn't know what to do, but I know I need to take him farther than this loud asshole.   
So I gently pulled him to a hug, feeling him jumping in surprise to my touch. But I refused to let him fight against me and held him close to me as I brushed his hair. "Everything is okay Yunhyeongie…" I said softly. "It's okay… let's go somewhere quiet…" 

Yunhyeong gave me a weak nod, burying his face in my shoulder as I carefully walked us away from the yelling, finding an empty bench for us to sit on.  
I let Yunhyeong take his time to calm, gently brushing his hair as I reminded him to breathe every few minutes. It seemed like he's a bit better now. 

"Do you want me to get you a shake…?" I asked, noticing a stall not too far from us. "It's right here. I'll be right back."   
He let me get up, and I promised I'll be back quick before walking away and ordering him a drink.   
  
When I sat back next to him I offered the cup to him and he hesitantly took it, silently asking me to hold his other hand.   
I did, making sure not to hold it too tight as I gently brushed my thumb over the back of his hand. "It's okay…" I said softly, watching him as he sat on the bench staring at nothing, holding the cup in his hand but not drinking from it.   
What more can I do to help him?   
God, I wish I knew what to do. But I don't. I have no idea how to calm him besides doing… This. 

For about five minutes, Yunhyeong didn't move at all. I started getting worried and the best option I had now was to wait five more minutes and call Jinhwan if the situation won't change. He'll know what to do, right?   
But I felt Yunhyeong holding my hand a bit tighter, slowly bringing the cup closer to him to take a sip. 

"Can… can we go home…?" He asked quietly. 

"Of course we can." I nodded. "But let's sit for a few more minutes." I don't think it'd be a good idea to walk with him until he's fully calm. 

“Now. Please…”

I didn’t like the shakiness I heard in Yunhyeong’s voice, so I decided it’d be best to listen to him and walk him back home.  
I nodded, helping Yunhyeong stand up as I got up as well. I expected him to let go of my hand, but he didn’t and held it tighter instead. I hope he’s okay.

Yunhyeong stayed quiet during the train ride home. I didn’t pressure him into talking and let him rest his head on my shoulder.  
He finished his drink in the train station, sharing half of it with me. I told him to finish it but he insisted I’d take a few ships by pushing the cup closer to me.  
So I gave up and finished it with him before the train got to our station.

I looked at the blonde who fell asleep, carefully brought a hand to brush his hair. I think that after spending this morning with him, I definitely want to have a chance to be something more than just a neighbor to him.   
I want to be there for him to support him as much as I can and I want him to have someone he can trust and come to if he’s having a problem.  
He said he wants to give me a chance, did he really mean it? Does he really want to date me? Is he really okay with that?  
I will understand if he won't feel the same. I will understand if he decides he doesn’t want to, and I’ll try to be okay with that. As long as he’s happy… 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> I'm soooooo sorry this chapter is so short!  
> It was supposed to be longer, but I decided to change it a bit.  
> I promise the next update will be worth it!
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter as well.  
> Stay safe and have a great day ❤️️


	21. Chapter 21

**Chanwoo's POV**

“Thank you, for taking me out today.” Yunhyeong thanked me when he stopped next to Jiwon’s apartment door.

I woke him up when we reached our station and lead him out while he woke up. The walk to our building was quiet as well and I tried not to take it personally. I know Yunhyeong doesn’t mean to hurt me or ignore me, he himself looks pretty off so I let him be.

"You really don't have to thank me." I smiled at him, taking out my keys. "I'm happy to spend time with you." 

He sighed, shaking his head. "I fell asleep, just like when you came over. And I acted weird since that incident and I’m just...I’m sorry…-." 

"So what?” I stopped him. “I won't be mad just because you fell asleep or you feel like you need your peace. Yunhyeongie,” I took a deep breath.  
I told myself I’ll be patient. I told myself I’ll wait and help him any other way I can.  
But it doesn’t seem like he’s ever going to make the first step. He’s always so close to it and then something happens that makes him go two, three, four and even five steps back.

“Yunhyeong, look. I told you that I like you. And it might be even more than that, who knows. I want to help you. I want to comfort you if you’re having a shitty day or if your…problems bothers you. I want to spend more time with you, hear about your day, your problems, help you out...I’ll do anything I can. And there’s nothing I want in return other than the chance to be with you.”

I reached my hand to him, leaving it for him to hold it.   
“You said you wanted to give me a chance. You said you thought about it, that you decided to try. I promise I’ll be patient, I promise I’ll do whatever I can for you. But you have to want it too. Otherwise…”

I let my hand hang there for a while, giving him the time to decide.  
I can be understanding. I know there are people out there with problems who need more time and more patience. But it’s been four months.  
He looked so happy this morning. He was so cheerful on our ‘date’. Until this stupid guy decided to scare him...everything was okay.

Yunhyeong claims he has a problem with ‘loud noises’, and I know there’s more to this. He’s not saying everything and I won’t judge him for doing so.  
But no matter what he’s dealing with, he needs to know he shouldn’t be scared of trusting people. 

“Chan...I’m sorry…-”

“Stop apologizing.” I cut him, shaking my head. “Stop overthinking, stop wondering what if. It can only harm you. Just decide if you want me to help you - yes or no.”

He looked at me before looking and my hand, looking hesitant.

_“Just give up. What makes you think a guy like Yunhyeong will even be interested in a child like you? It’s been months and you follow him like a lost puppy. He’s probably not even into you.”  
_ Yeah...probably.

I gave him one more look, deciding to let my hand fall. It’s obvious he won’t choose me. He’ll probably have some other guy who’ll be better for him, who could actually help him.  
  
I suddenly felt someone grabbing my wrist and looked at Yunhyeong who was looking at the floor, holding my hand. “Chan…”

I saw him taking a deep breath and then I felt something sweet and soft against my lips. Is he… Yunhyeong…  
Did he just kiss me?

“Chan… I… I’m… I’m sorry I’m so slow and I probably frustrated you a lot but… I want to try.” He said quietly. “I’m simply...scared. I’m worried I’ll mess up like I did in my past relatio-”

“Yunhyengie, I don’t care what happened in the past...” I said softly, trying to get my brain to function after that kiss.

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure it out, I promise. Just...don't be scared to try.”

Yunhyeong nodded, looking at me hesitantly. I smiled at him and brought my free hand up to gently stroke his cheek. “Thank you for coming with me today. I really had fun.”  
I let go of him, worrying I might take it too far otherwise. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

He nodded, looking at me as I walked to my apartment. We said goodbye to each other and the second I walked inside I closed the door and leaned against it. Did it really just happen?  
  


"How was your date?" 

Of course the first thing I’ll be greeted with was Donghyuk’s annoying voice. I swear it feels like he’s sensing when I’m getting back just to start attacking me with questions.

"You're annoying." I groaned, kicking off my shoes. "Don't you have your own life?" 

"Well, yours is definitely more interesting now." Donghyuk noted, pausing the game he was playing. "And I’m leaving soon, so I thought I should catch up with you." He looked at me. “Not good?”

"It was really great.” I sighed, amused, dropping myself next to him. 

"So better from your first try?"

"Much better. He said he'll give me a chance, and I don't want to push my feelings on him. I just… I can't help but hope he'll like me too." 

"God, just how serious this crush is?" Donghyuk shook his head. "It's the first time I see you act like this." 

"It's clear you weren't listening to me at all if you think it's still just a crush." I gave him a look.   
A crush? I wish it was a crush. 

"You're a kid. You develop crushes." He argued. 

"You're only a year older." I frowned, "and I'm not sixteen or something. Stop being such a pain." 

"I'm being a pain because you grew up too fast for my liking." 

I hit him with one of the pillows. "You ass." 

"You're terrible." 

"You're no better." I rolled my eyes, "I'm going to my room." 

"Don't run away like a coward." Donghyuk threw a pillow after me. I picked it up and threw it back at him.   
I heard him laughing when I walked into my room, closing the door behind me.

I dropped myself on my bed, burying my face in my pillow.It...happened.  
Yunhyeong...Yunhyeong kissed me. The guy I’ve been thinking about non stop for so long...kissed me.   
He really kissed me.

Yunhyeong's lips felt so soft. I really didn't expect him to do it. I was okay with taking things as slow as he wanted. But now…   
Now I couldn't stop smiling. It's a good sign, right? He seemed really happy during our date besides the small incident. It sure had a big impact on him, and I really want to know what happened.   
But for now, I just want to make sure he keeps smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh!   
> They're together now!   
> Big thanks to Crystal who helped me with this chapter (and the storyline in general) since I got really stuck,  
> It took quite some time, but Yunhyeongie finally gave Chanwoo a chance 😊  
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! A new story is up as well.
> 
> Have a good weekend and stay safe ❤️️❤️


	22. Chapter 22

**Yunhyeong** **’s POV**

Chanwoo…  
Did I... Did I actually kiss him? And I said I’ll go out with him as well...  
It wasn't a mistake, right? I did the right thing...Right?   
I sure hope I did. I've been thinking about it since I rejected him. I've been thinking about what should I do for all those months...   
But I also hoped his feelings will change. That this 'crush' will only be a crush and he'll find himself someone else.

But he didn't.   
Chanwoo's still liked me. And for someone who was three years younger than me, he acted really maturely about it.   
I'm jealous. I wish I could be like him. I wish I could be more confident in my decisions.

When I rejected him, Chanwoo could feel bad about this, get mad at me, start ignoring me and find someone better. I think that's what I expected.  
But instead, he insisted he'll wait. He said he'll wait for me until I'll be ready to date...   
And I just didn't know how to respond to it.

I sighed, getting more comfortable on my bed as I hugged my pillow tighter.  
I can't say I'm not happy with Chanwoo. Because I am. I enjoyed our movie date. I enjoyed having him over and cooking with him. I enjoyed having breakfast with him. I really enjoy his company.   
  
I texted Jinhwan about what happened, and he immediately called me once he read it, asking about every single detail.  
Technically he started the call with 'fucking finally!' and then asked me questions non stop about our date. I can call it a date, right?   
Chanwoo probably wanted it to be a date. I don't mind. It can be considered a date... 

I hummed softly, looking at my room door when it opened. 

"Hey Jiwon." 

"Hey Yunhyeong." He said, leaning against the door's frame. "So...how did it go?" 

"Okay..." 

"Just...okay?" He frowned, and I smiled as I watched him walking towards my bed, sitting on the edge of it. "Did it not go well again?" 

I chuckled, sitting down on my bed as I still hugged my pillow. "It was… Weird."

It really was. 

I knew Chanwoo likes me for a few months now, but the first time he asked me out it didn't really work out well. I didn't know how to reject him and after hearing his disappointment, I felt so bad with myself and I agreed.   
Throughout the date, Chanwoo acted really sweetly and thoughtfully. When he noticed I was uncomfortable with something he immediately stopped.   
I was the problem back then. And I'm scared I'll continue being a problem to him.   
I got to know Chanwoo a bit better since that date. And I kept blaming myself for rejecting him so awfully. 

He didn't do anything wrong. 

But Chanwoo helped me a lot when I had my struggles. Without knowing what's wrong and without asking questions, he tried to calm and comfort me. It's something I never had before.   
I never had someone to appreciate my cooking so much like Jiwon, Hanbin, Donghyuk and Chanwoo do. I never had someone who was willing to stay with me in case my nightmares will return.   
I never had someone who was willing to be so patient with me…

So after my talk with Jinhwan, I decided to give Chanwoo a real try. 

I did my best to act as cheerfully as I can, which wasn't hard because whenever I was with Chanwoo I always found myself smiling whether it was from his terrible jokes or simply his presence.   
He just knew how to make me smile. 

The date was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it although it was a simple outing to a small cafe. I enjoyed it. Until I ruined it again like always.   
In just a few seconds I felt helpless again.   
When Chanwoo calmed me down, I knew he had good intentions. But in a way, it reminded me of my past relationships, when they decided everything for me.   
Chanwoo wanted us to stay for my own good but like the idiot I am I insisted on going... 

And when we got back, he sounded so frustrated, and he had every right. 

So I kissed him.   
I kissed him because deep down I felt that another guy like Chanwoo won't show up again. He was doing so much for me since we met, he was really considerate and sweet...  
I liked it. And I like him. Probably not even close to how he likes me, but isn't it a start? 

And now… 

  
"Weird, but in a good way." I smiled softly. "He's sweet." 

"Yeah, only to you." 

"He's a good kid."

"I know he is. We simply like to tease him." Jiwon smiled. "Anyway, tell me if he's being a jerk. I'll kick him." 

I nodded, watching Jiwon as he got up. "By the way, Hanbin is staying over tomorrow. Is that okay?"

Jiwon and Hanbin weren't much like Jinhwan and Junhoe. They are calmer and are trying to keep a bit of distance if I'm around. Though it doesn't always work out for Hanbin.   
And I feel bad whenever Jiwon stays the night at Hanbin's because this is his place. He is allowed to bring his boyfriend if he wants to. 

"Jiwon." I frowned. "If you want to bring Hanbin over, that's okay. It's your apartment, you are allowed to bring your boyfriend over." 

"Hey, it's your place too now." Jiwon gave me a confused look. "I know I said six months, but you're free to stay as long as you want to. Thanks to you I live less on take-out, why would I kick you out?" He chuckled, shaking his head. 

"But wouldn't you rather live with Hanbin?" I asked confused. 

"Well, I might one day. But we didn't talk about it now." 

"Thanks Jiwon." I smiled. "Really, for everything… I don't know how to repay you." 

"Are you shitting me? Repay me? What the fuck for?" Jiwon asked, shaking his head. "Yunhyeong, you helped me around here so much, this place never was this clean before, your food is almost better than any takeout I ever had and you're not a bad company to have." He took my pillow from me and hit me with it. "So you owe me nothing. Just… Stay for as long as you feel comfortable." 

I had to admit I felt a bit surprised to hear all of that. I mostly felt like a burden to Jiwon. I thought I'm stopping him from living with Hanbin. I thought I'm just bothering him…   
And now he let me stay. 

"So… It means I can stay for a bit longer?" I asked hesitantly. 

Jiwon chuckled, nodding at me. "Of course. I'd be happy if you did." 

I can stay… 

I smiled at Jiwon, getting up to hug him. I could tell he was surprised by my sudden action, I never got this close to him before. But I really think we can be considered friends.   
He helped me a lot and when Hanbin wasn't around or our noisy neighbors didn't come over we could actually spend a calm day together ordering takeaway and watching movies.   
He and the others also let me stay while playing their games and sometimes let me try too although they knew I am terrible at that.   
  
Those few people I barely was comfortable with five months ago slowly became really close to me. And I found myself liking it and feeling at ease more and more. 

I felt Jiwon hesitantly hugging me back, chuckling. "Does it mean you'll stay?" 

"Yeah, of course." I nodded. 

"So… Pizza?" 

"No weird toppings this time." 

"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short filler for Yunhyeongie's pov and his friendship with Jiwon 😊
> 
> My city is in a complete lockdown because of the situation outside and I can't wait for it all to be behind us...  
> Stay safe everyone! Take care and have a good day! 💕


	23. Chapter 23

**Yunhyeong's POV**

I sighed, looking at the chat conversation which was open on my phone. I need to think about something, and fast. 

I asked Jinhwan if I can come over to stay the weekend since Jiwon and Hanbin had some… Plans. They first planned to stay at Hanbin's, but there were some problems and now Hanbin is coming over.   
But apparently Jinhwan and Junhoe are going to celebrate their anniversary and they had plans for this weekend. So I need to find a place to stay in. It's not like I mind staying over at a different place. 

While it wasn't something I was used to, there were a few nights I spent at Jinhwan's place. And with each time it kinda became easier. 

_'Hey, I know it's random, but do you think I can stay the weekend?'_

There was still no replay although I sent it about three hours ago. There was only one more place I could ask to stay over before considering a cheap motel or something. 

It's been three months since Chanwoo and I started 'dating' and I had to admit I was quite impressed. We started texting more.   
It is stupid since he lives just across the hall, but we don't have much time to spend together besides the weekends.   
He did come once in a while and did his homework in the kitchen while I made dinner for us to have with Jiwon and Donghyuk. We sometimes watched movies and he helped me cook while Jiwon and Donghyuk were playing games in the other apartment. 

The fact Chanwoo didn't try getting closer to me more than I was comfortable with and he didn't try touching me or even kissing me out of nowhere...  
He still acted like he did before and made sure I'm comfortable as much as he could. And I don't think he knows how much it means to me.   
I don't remember I even had someone to consider my feelings like this before. I don't remember the last time I felt so comfortable with someone… 

And this brought some anxiety back with it. The 'what if' questions showed out of nowhere and made me unsure about Chanwoo at times.   
What if it's just an act? What if he's sick of waiting? What if he'll just use me like all the rest? What if he'll lose his patience and… 

I sighed.   
I don't understand what Chanwoo even sees me in the first place. I have no idea why would he even be interested in me when there are probably so many others better than me. Someone without such a messy past…   
I didn't tell him yet what happened, though it's clear he already noticed something is definitely off. I don't think my 'loud noises' excuse works anymore. I could notice the careful looks Chanwoo was giving me when we went out somewhere. 

Jinhwan said I should tell him about what happened, but I'm definitely not going to do it now. Should I even risk it…?  
Him being careful was really sweet and considerate of him, but at the same time, I felt bad for making him go through it. 

I sighed, putting my phone away before returning to work. I should be really careful about it. I don't want to make everything even more difficult for him.   
  


I sighed in relief when I finally got back home, taking my shoes off. It doesn't seem like Jiwon is back yet so I'll take a quick shower before checking what we have to eat.   
It feels like it was such an exhausting day… 

**Chan:** _'Yeah, of course you can. Something happened?'_

**Me:** _'Jiwon and Hanbin need the apartment for themselves.'_

Chanwoo texted me when I was on my way back home, apologizing he couldn't answer earlier because of his classes. I told him it's okay, though I had a few hesitations about staying over at his and Donghyuk's place.   
I mean, I have no problem staying on the couch. My problem isn't that I won't have anywhere to sleep at. My problem is Chanwoo. Or… More like… me with Chanwoo… 

Like Jiwon said, I could stay over at his place. So I did.   
I got along with him and the neighbors, it was close to my work, I could meet with Jinhwan more often than before…   
I actually enjoyed staying there a lot. And to think that seven months ago I thought about finding a new apartment and moving out. 

I sold my old apartment. It officially didn't belong to me anymore. 80% of what I got I sent to my parents. They helped me so much to get it, so it's only fair I'd pay them back for it.   
The annoying threat messages finally stopped. I think the last time I got a message from an unknown number was four months ago.   
I finally had my peace. 

But it doesn't mean that everything is perfect now. Everything which happened in the past left such a mess…   
Chanwoo was taking everything so slowly and carefully with me. And I was worried I might be making him frustrated with everything again.   
He always tells me that 'it's okay' and how he'll wait until I would be comfortable with everything. And it made me feel selfish. It made me think I was acting in a selfish way with him, expecting him to be patient with me while I don't consider his feelings. 

I'm trying to. I really am trying my best to be more comfortable with certain things. I'm trying my best to stop overthinking. I already agreed to date him, so why do I keep having my doubts? 

"I'm staying over and Chan's this weekend." I noted during dinner. "He said I can stay, so you and Hanbin will have your peace." 

"What about Jinan?" Jiwon frowned, giving me a confused look. 

"He and Junhoe are celebrating their anniversary."

"Ah, right. I always forget about it." He sighed, shaking his head. "Are you comfortable with that, though? I mean, Hanbin and I will find a solution…"

"No no no, Jiwon it's okay." I promised, shaking my head. "You made plans with Hanbin, and Chanwoo lives right across the hall. I'll be fine, really." I smiled at him. 

I mean… I think I'll be able to handle it. 

"Okay… but let me know if you change your mind." 

* * *

"I'm off to Chanwoo's." I said when I walked to the front door, wearing my shoes. "When is Hanbin coming?" 

"He should be here soon." Jiwon said, leaning against the wall close to me. "Are you sure about it? Is it really okay?"

I chuckled. "I said it's fine. Don't worry." 

We both looked at the door as it opened, seeing Hanbin standing there. 

"And that's my cue to leave." I took the small bag with my pajamas, bath stuff and slippers before walking to the door.

"Enjoy you two. And be nice to Jiwon." I warned Hanbin who nodded at me and closed the door as I made my way to Chanwoo and Donghyuk's place.   
  


_"I guess here goes nothing."_ I took a deep breath before knocking, waiting a bit until the door opened, showing Chanwoo who was dressed in an oversized shirt and a pair of training. I have to admit, he looked quite cute like this.   
So I smiled at him, pressing a soft kiss against his cheek. "Hey, Chan."

"Yunhyeongie," he smiled, stepping a bit away to let me walk inside. "Come in." 

"I'm sorry to interrupt you like this." I apologized, walking into the apartment and taking my shoes off. "Hanbin came so I thought I better leave now." 

"It's okay, don't worry." Chanwoo chuckled, messing his hair. "I'm finishing some work for my classes, so do you mind watching TV while I finish it?" 

I nodded, following him to the living room. "Yes, of course. Can I help somehow?" 

He shook his head, gently stroking my cheek before dropping himself back on the couch. "It's fine, it's just some boring nonsense. You had a long week so you should rest." 

I watched as he moved some of the books and papers off the couch before tapping on the empty spot for me to sit at. So I sighed amused and put my bag down, sitting down on the couch and looking at the TV screen which was on but muted.   
Is it really okay for me to be here now? Is Chanwoo really okay with letting me stay over? 

"Where's Donghyuk?" I asked, looking around when I realized it's quieter than usual. 

"Oh? He's at a friend's place." The younger one hummed. "Won't be back today." 

"I see…" 

I guess I feel slightly relieved about this. I don't know why, I really like Donghyuk. I know he's not a bad guy and most of the time he was really nice to me. But I guess I was already feeling like a burden, that having one person less around here was actually a relief. 

I looked at Chanwoo who took my hand in his, slowly moving his thumb over the back of it. Like always, his touch felt nicer than I expected it to.   
And I rarely see it, but Chanwoo's serious expression… It made him look a bit more mature than he usually showed. Although he was more careful with me, he was still being his playful self and it was one of the things I liked the most about him. 

So we sat there in silence, holding hands while Chanwoo tried to figure his work out and I watched the movie in low volume. Chanwoo…   
Will he one day get tired of me like the rest?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had sooooooo many struggles with this chapter and I'm struggling with the next one as well.  
> But I'm trying my best to finish it on time, I promise!
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read it.  
> Please have a great day and stay safe ❤️️


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...  
> I'm SO FREAKING SORRY!  
> The amount of struggle I had with this chapter....ugh!!  
> It went in a completely different direction than I planned! What!
> 
> I'm sorry. I really am sorry.   
> I'm all over the place with this fic but the chapter did end up matching the situation so I left it 😥  
> My friend is helping me write the next one so I hope that would turn well.

**Yunhyeong's POV**

"You think you'll be comfortable enough?" Chanwoo asked me while moving a few things off his bed to make more place there.   
I nodded, watching him from the chair by his desk. 

After he finished with his work, Chanwoo put everything aside and made us popcorn so we could watch another movie. Chanwoo was holding me close to himself, holding the popcorn bowl between us.   
He made sure I was feeling comfortable enough and fed me from time to time, and all I could do was get closer to him, trying my best to focus on the movie.   
But my mind was too busy overthinking like it's been doing in the last year or so. 

What if…   
What if…   
What if… 

Even while knowing Chanwoo actually cares about me… Knowing he waited for me for such a long time until I finally gave him a chance…   
I like him. I like him a lot. But why does it feel like my feelings would never match up to his?   
  


I sat down on the bed when Chanwoo finished setting everything. He made sure to place the pillows more comfortably and asked if the blanket was warm enough before turning off the lights. 

"I'm sleeping at Dong's room since he's not here." He said, "you can just call me if you need something."

"You're…" I said quietly, looking at him as I tightly held into the blanket. "But…"   
But what? What am I about to say exactly? That I need him to stay? Chanwoo owes me nothing.   
Everything nice he did for me, he did because he wanted. Not because he had to. And now he prefers to put this distance while we sleep probably because he needs a bit of quiet to himself. 

I came here just because Jiwon had Hanbin over while I could choose a different place to stay at. I came at the most inconvenient time while Chanwoo was busy, taking his concentration away from his project.   
And now instead of him sleeping in his room, he's moving to Donghyuk's room just because…

"Is something wrong?" Chanwoo asked in wonder. "I want you to feel comfortable. It's been only three months." 

Just three months? Jinhwan and Junhoe were staying over at each other's place after a bit over a month together. I could barely handle Chanwoo suddenly touching me up until a month ago or so. 

"Yunhyeongie?" Chanwoo asked, sitting on the bed's edge close to me. "What is it?" 

I looked down. I don't know what is it. While this relationship was one of the best I had, I felt like everything is repeating itself. And this is my fault.   
It's my fault like it was the first time.   
It's my fault like it was the second time.   
It was my fault the third time as well… 

It was always my fault.   
And whenever there was a problem, I knew only one way to handle it. 

So at this point I stopped thinking. Right… wrong… It doesn't matter.   
I keep hurting Chanwoo. I keep frustrating him…   
And I need to do something about it.   
  


**Chanwoo's POV**

"Chan... I'm sorry..." Yunhyeong said quietly, taking my hand in his. 

I looked at him and shook my head. He seemed a bit off. Did something happen?   
  
For the past three months I always tried to do my best for him. I tried to cheer him up when he looked down. I took him out whenever we both were free to remind him to rest from time to time. If he was having an 'anxiety attack' I did my best to calm him, promising it'd be okay...   
It wasn't easy. But when is it?  
If Yunhyeong is struggling with something it doesn't mean I'll leave him. Jiwon didn't leave Hanbin after all this time and there are still times when Hanbin needs his help. 

Problems don't just disappear in a week or a month or even a year. It takes time and support from people you can trust. And that's exactly what I'm trying to show Yunhyeong.   
He can trust me if he ever needs help. I'll be there for him. 

"Yunhyeongie, you have nothing to apologize for." I promised, reaching my free hand to gently stroke his cheek. He closed his eyes, leaning to my touch as he hummed softly.   
"Get some sleep. You need to rest." 

I wanted to take my hands back but Yunhyeong held into both of them tightly, slowly opening his eyes to look at me. It wasn't like any other expression I ever saw. And I had a feeling something was off. 

"Yunhyeongie…?" 

"Don't go…" He said quietly, leaning forward to kiss me.   
Before I managed to debate myself if to stop him or not, I already felt his lips against mine.   
So I kissed him back, thinking he'll let me go after that and go to sleep. But I was wrong. 

After that kiss came another and another and another while Yunhyeong's hands slowly moved up over my arms. 

It wasn't like any other interaction we had before. I was usually careful whenever I took his hand in mine or pressed a kiss on his cheek. After a few weeks he got used to my sudden touches and actions but I never did a thing without him being comfortable with it first. So this…  
  
While him kissing me wasn't something new, right now, it made me feel kinda off.   
  
Yunhyeong held into my shirt sleeves and I found myself placing my hands on the bed to support myself as I felt myself leaning forward while he was leaning backward to lie on the bed, not pulling away from the kiss. 

It was definitely off. 

"Yunhyeongie-... Wait… Wait…" I tried to say in between kisses. "Yunhyeong stop." 

I pulled away, panting softly as I watched him trying to catch his breath as well, letting his hand fall. What's gotten into him? He usually wouldn't try to do things like this.   
I might be reading it all wrong…but why does that feel Yunhyeong was trying to make me sleep with him? 

I gently stroked his cheek, giving him a bit of a confused look. "Yunhyeongie, is everything okay?"   
Something was going on. I wasn't sure what but something was definitely going on. The look he was giving me, his tone, his actions…   
It wasn't like him. 

"Did I… Do something wrong…?" Yunhyeong asked. "Everything's fine-"

"You don't seem fine." I cut him. 

I want to know. I want to know what he has been through to make him like this. I want to know what happened so I could help him properly instead of guessing the correct approach.   
I want to know…   
But I can't force him to tell me.   
Jinhwan told me once it isn't something pleasant and that I should be patient with him. And that's exactly what I was planning to do in the first place. I promised myself I won't push him. I won't rush anything and I'll give him his time.   
But there were things which clearly were unhealthy for him like his constant overthinking and self debate. So if I could, I gently tried to rush him or help him decide on something faster. 

"I'm… I'm fine." 

"You're not fine, I know you enough." I shook my head and gently stroked his cheek. 

"Yunhyeongie…" I said his name softly. "What's wrong…?"

He looked at me, not saying a word. It really made me worried. What happened? What went wrong?   
He seemed pretty okay when he came over. Is it because I said I'll go to Donghyuk's room? Why would he act like this instead of saying something? 

"Chan…" Yunhyeong said quietly after a while. "Chan… Don't you get tired of me…?" 

I frowned. Am I getting tired of him? 

"Why would I?" I asked him. "I waited for you for such a long time… A bit of a challenge won't make me stop liking you." 

I don't know if I did or said something wrong, but Yunhyeong started sobbing out of nowhere and it made me worried even more. I don't like it. I've never seen him break down like this. 

"I'm calling Jinhwan." 

"Don't!" He grabbed tightly into my shirt, not letting me get up. "He's out… Don't bother him on his date…" 

"But-!" 

"Chan… Can I tell you something…?" 

Is he serious? He needs to calm down first. He needs someone to comfort him. I'm trying my best but there's a limit to what I can do. "Yunhyeongie…" 

"Please…" he bit his lower lip. "It's pretty important…" 

I don't think I have any other choice, so I sighed and nodded.   
He lifted himself to sit down and I sat next to him, covering us both before making sure he's comfortable enough. 

"So, what is it?" I asked, gently brushing his hair, hoping this will calm him down a bit. 

Yunhyeong looked down, busying himself with the blanket instead. But I waited. If it's something important… It's probably not the easiest thing to say.   
  


"So… I'm sorry…" He mumbled. "I'm sorry for making you wait so long and making you go through so much frustration just to act like this and make you worry about so much…" 

"Yunhye-" 

"There's… there's a reason it took me this long to agree to go out with you… I just… I have so much that is bothering me…" He paused, taking a deep breath as he grabbed tightly into the blanket before continuing.   
"I have a terrible taste when it comes to dating… Or maybe I'm simply so easy to get…" He said quietly. "I've… I've been in a few relationships before. One which ended around the same time I moved in with Jiwon... You know what the common thing between them was...?" 

I shook my head, holding him a bit closer to myself. 

"What was common… is that I was so pathetic, believing I actually mean something to them..." Yunhyeong chuckled bitterly, shaking his head as he tried to stop himself from sobbing again.   
"Each of them was so nice at first. They were sweet… thoughtful… Nothing seemed wrong. But they were only using me for what they needed, be it help with work, a place to stay at or… other things. Each of them started eventually treating me like I'm basically nothing. My last one…" 

His voice started shaking so he paused, taking deep breaths to calm himself. I wanted to get up and maybe bring him water, but I don't think that leaving him now would be a good idea. So I held him closer, mumbling 'it's okay' over and over to help him calm. 

"The last one was really abusive…" Yunhyeong continued.

"He was sweet and nice for the first six months, and then everything repeated again. It started with him snapping at everything I did. Then it was about me, how I look, how I act, how I'm not good enough… he moved in for 'two weeks' but stayed for over a year…"

He tried wiping his tears as he started sobbing, and at this point I hugged him, holding him as close as possible to my chest. 

"Enough… It's okay…"

"I'm… I'm a mess, Chan." Yunhyeong shook his head. "I abandoned my own place just because he wouldn't leave… And Jinhwan, god… He helped me so much… You… You need to focus on your studies now… Do you really want my problems as your burden too…? I'm… I'm too much of a work, Chan…" 

Burden? Too much work?   
Is that how he sees himself? 

I think now things were becoming a bit more clear. Yunhyeong… he's been through a lot of shit. He made wrong judgments and got hurt because of that.   
He didn't deserve any of this happening to him. And I guess he's scared the same will happen with me.   
He's scared that one day I'll get tired of him. He's scared that I'll get annoyed by how long it takes him to feel comfortable enough to even have me kiss him.   
He's scared that I won't have any power to be patient with his problems… 

And it's all understandable. But it's nothing like this.   
The fact I got a chance with Yunhyeong is already the best thing that happened to me. He caught my interest from the first day I met him and I'm so happy that from all the places he could go to, he decided to stay here. I've never seen him as a burden or difficult work. 

Yes, sometimes it's hard. But Yunhyeong is clearly trying to work on it as well. He's not comfortable with having others to help him and it's a bit stupid but I get where he's coming from. And now he decided to tell me everything… 

"You had bad luck…" I said, holding him close. "It happens… There are jerks everywhere… But Yunhyeongie, not everyone is like them…" I made him look at me, wiping his tears away.   
"You went through something difficult… It's okay to have your doubts. It's okay to have good days when everything is okay and bad days, like now, when it feels like nothing is working out… But it doesn't mean I'm giving up. I don't want an easy way out. This… I don't know for how long this would last. But while I'm with you, I promise I'll do whatever I can for you. I'll help you work everything out. I just need you to trust me. I know it's hard, especially after having your trust broken so many times… having those constant doubts… It's just going to hurt you more…" 

"How?! How can you just… Act so patiently as if it's nothing?" Yunhyeong asked me in frustration. 

I smiled softly and pressed a kiss against his forehead. "It's not 'nothing'... It hurts me to know just for how long you've been suffering…" I mumbled. 

"You didn't deserve that… You deserve a guy who would always appreciate you. Someone who can make you smile, who can cheer you up and support you. Any guy lucky enough to date you will get nothing but love and caring in return. And for now… If it's okay… I want to be that guy for you. I want to show you not all relationships are bad… Please…?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't ask for it. But it happened 😐  
> Promise the next update won't be as heavy as this one!   
> Have a nice day and please be careful! 💞


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING ⚠️  
> Long chapter and not so well written smut ahead.  
> Seriously... If not Crystal I don't know how I could've written this part 😭
> 
> We tried our best.  
> Next update would be the last one for this fic

**Yunhyeong's POV**

_"I want to be that guy for you. I want to show you not all relationships are bad…"_

Chanwoo really said that.   
I've been acting like a terrible boyfriend to him but he was still nothing but sweet and caring to me.   
Why can't I simply forget everything and focus on my relationship with Chanwoo? It's clear he's making me happy.   
He's always so sweet on our dates and he knows how to make me laugh. The fact he's been so patient with me only shows he doesn't have any bad intentions.   
He genuinely cares about me.   
  


I took a deep breath, washing my face one more time before looking at myself in the mirror. I looked a bit better now. My eyes still were red and swollen from all the crying, but I couldn't be bothered with it. It's my fault I reacted like this after all. 

_"I'm fine now. Everything is fine."_ I thought, taking another deep breath before drying my hands and face and making my way back to Chanwoo's room.   
He was sitting on his bed, looking through his phone. Exactly how I left him. I could see his expression was somewhat worried but I'm fine now.   
Chanwoo… he said I can trust him. I know I can. If I trust Jinhwan won't hurt me… If Jiwon was nothing but kind to me…   
There's no reason Chanwoo would be the one to hurt me.   
  


"Yunhyeongie, better now?" Chanwoo asked when he noticed I returned.   
I smiled softly and nodded. I felt a lot better now. Telling Chanwoo what I've been through made me feel some kind of relief. I guess it's something that has been bothering me.   
This was something that always made me wonder about our relationship. If it's going to work out… If Chanwoo will leave once he knows…   
But now that he knows, and he still promised to stay and help me…He's too good to be real. 

"It's good to hear." Chanwoo patted on the spot next to him, inviting me to sit back next to him. 

I bit my lower lip, making my way back to the bed. But instead of sitting next to him, I sat on top of him, gently holding into his wrist to move his phone away. Chanwoo looked at me in wonder but let me, bringing his other hand to stroke my cheek. 

"You sure you're okay?" 

I nodded. "I'm better… I'm sorry I put so much on you so late. I just… I've been wondering if-" 

"Let's make a deal." Chanwoo cut me, letting go of his phone to take my hand in his instead, intertwining our fingers as he smiled. 

"Whenever you have any doubt, whenever you start questioning something, whenever you're unsure about our relationship… I want you to talk to me. Tell me your worries. Keeping everything to yourself will cause a bigger doubt for you. I don't want you to feel like that."   
Chanwoo leaned closer, pressing a soft kiss against my lips. "I don't see you as a burden Yunhyeongie… yes, it's hard sometimes knowing I can't help. Yes, sometimes I also feel impatient and frustrated… I'm having my bad days too… So I take my time to calm down. And it's perfectly fine. So don't be afraid to tell me you need your time as well. Don't be afraid to ask me for help if you need it. And…" 

I let out a soft gasp as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me a bit closer to himself. 

"Don't be afraid to ask me to stay if you want to." 

I looked at him, feeling myself blushing softly before leaning closer and kissing him, burying my face in his shoulder right afterwards. "Then… Please stay…" I mumbled, feeling him holding me a bit tighter. 

"Whatever you want Yunhyeongie…" he said softly.

"I want you…" I said quietly. Chanwoo… he's making me feel safe.  
I want to feel more of him, to feel closer to him.  
I know things haven't been perfect between us. And it's mostly my fault.   
I want to put more effort into this relationship too. I want to try and feel more comfortable with Chanwoo as my boyfriend beside him being my friend. He's not like anyone else I had. And if there's someone who can show me what's it like to be in a normal relationship - it's him. 

"You had a difficult night." 

I hummed. "I'm better now… It was stupid of me to break down like this in the first place…" 

"It's not stupid. You've been through so much…"

"And that's why I want you to comfort me…"

"I see someone became demanding," Chanwoo said amused. "Am I spoiling you too much?" 

"You don't spoil me at all." I gave him a look. "You're horrible." 

"I don't spoil you… I don't take care of you… damn, what a horrible boyfriend I am." Chanwoo kissed me, holding me even closer to himself. "I'm so horrible to my Yunhyeongie…" 

God…   
What is it about him that makes my heart beat like crazy?   
Chanwoo usually was soft and gentle with me… but this felt different. And I wasn't sure if I'm imagining it or not, but I liked it in a way. 

I felt he was making me lean backwards, making the both of us fall on his bed. I didn't mind it, I simply pulled him into another kiss.  
Chanwoo kissed me back, being slow and careful. He held my waist, holding me close to himself as he kissed me again, and again and again and again.   
And I think I enjoyed it more than the simple and quick kisses we shared until now. 

We both were panting when he pulled away, looking at each other. 

"Be gentle…" I asked him softly.

Chanwoo kissed me again, stroking my cheek as he looked at me. "It hurts me that you don't think I would." 

I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me with a kiss. "I know you didn't mean it like this. It's okay."   
I pouted at it, hitting his chest but he simply laughed and kissed me again, humming softly as he kissed me over and over before moving to place soft kisses over my jawline and down to my neck. 

I closed my eyes to his touch, moving one of my hands over his arm as I arched my neck at his actions. I never stopped to think how warm Chanwoo's lips are… Or just how careful and calming his actions…  
It felt nice. 

I hummed, enjoying the soft and warm touch of his lips. I felt one of his hands slowly traveling down over my body, sliding beneath my shirt.   
The sudden feeling of his fingers against my skin made me shiver, but I wanted to feel more…   
I wanted more. 

"Chan…" I moaned softly, feeling him suck on my skin just a bit beneath my collarbone before gently biting into it and sucking again. 

I moved my fingers through his hair as I moaned softly. It felt really nice…  
  
"Yunhyeongie…" Chanwoo mumbled softly against my skin, pressing kisses up my neck and against my ear. "Yunhyeongie… I'm going to take off your shirt… Okay…?" 

I hummed at it, answering with a quiet 'okay'.   
Chanwoo kissed me, and I could feel his hands holding into my shirt, carefully lifting it up before taking it off me.   
  
I opened my eyes to look at him, just to see he took his shirt off as well. And… I was surprised.   
Chanwoo usually wears two or more layers of oversized clothes or long sleeves shirts and jackets. He spent most of his time studying or playing games, so I didn't even stop to think that he might actually be stronger than he looks. 

"Now, don't look so surprised." 

"I am surprised, Jung Chanwoo!" 

He chuckled and kissed me softly, moving his hands down over my chest before starting to press kisses against it as well, suddenly sucking and biting random areas to leave a mark over my skin. I gasped softly at that, closing my eyes again as I was enjoying his touch. He really was being gentle…  
  
Why aren't there more guys like Chanwoo out there? Why did I have to go through three nightmares just to find the one guy who'll treat me as softly as Chanwoo does? Though… if going through all of that means Chanwoo is the right guy for me…   
I'd go through all of this again just to be with him. 

"Good…" I moaned, arching my back at his touch. "Feels good…" 

His hands gently moved up over my waist and down my arms before taking my hands in his.   
Chanwoo intertwined our fingers again and made me rest my hands on each side of my head, holding them there as he kept pressing kisses on every available spot over my upper body, stopping every once in a while to leave a mark.   
  
I might think this is a mistake later. I might regret saying anything to him later.   
But for the first time in a while… I couldn't be bothered with all of this.   
Chanwoo showed me more than once that he actually cares about me… So even if this night is a mistake...this time I'd be more than happy to make this mistake.   
  


"Stop me at any point you're feeling uncomfortable…" Chanwoo said softly, kissing me before pressing kisses against my neck again. 

Stop him? Why would I? I don't want him to stop. If possible, I'd want this moment to last for as long as it can since it's one of the best moments I experienced so far.   
  
Chanwoo let go of my hands, moving his hands over my chest down to my stomach before gently pulling the waist of my pants a bit lower. "I'm taking your pants off now… okay…?"   
  
It's cute how he asks me if I'm okay with every action before doing anything. I couldn't help but smile softly at it before nodding. "It's fine…" I said, "don't worry…" 

Chanwoo nodded, pressing soft kisses against my stomach as he asked me to raise my hips a bit. I did as he asked, feeling him sliding my pants off without a problem before putting them somewhere aside together with our shirts. 

I shivered as I felt his fingers gently traveling down my thighs. His touch was so gentle… His kisses were gentle… His voice was soft and gentle…  
Chanwoo really was the first one to treat me like this. He is the first one to genuinely care about me…   
And god, I love him so much for this. I love him… So much…   
I love him…   
  


Chanwoo kissed me softly and I kissed him back, taking his face in my hands as he deepened the kiss. I felt him taking my hands in his again, gently holding them against the bed as he placed soft kisses over my upper body, letting go one of my hands to raise a bit my thigh and place kisses against it as well.   
I moaned softly, he's making me feel so good and he barely did something…

"Yunhyeongie… -"

"Don't stop…" I hummed, "it felt good… So don't stop…" 

"You're sure?" 

I looked at him, smiling softly. "You told me I can stop you at any point… But I don't want to…" I held his hand a bit tighter. I think it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to stop either. But he will if I ask him.   
"So just… continue…" 

Chanwoo looked back at me, leaning forward to kiss me softly before paying his attention back to my thigh, biting and sucking the skin to leave marks over it as well. I think at this point he left hickeys on every visible spot on my skin. But at this point, I really don't think I care.   
I enjoy it. I enjoy this attention Chanwoo is giving, making sure not to leave a single area without a mark.   
  
I felt his hands on my waist again, pulling off my boxers, so I lifted my hips a bit, letting him do that. "It has to be a dream…" He mumbled to himself, slowly moving his hands over my body. "It can't be real…" 

"What kind of dreams are you having, Jung Chanwoo…?" I asked amused, taking one of his hands in mine to press soft kisses against his palm. 

"I didn't… I don't…-"

I pulled him for a kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck to hold him closer against me. He felt warm… And I liked it a lot.   
"Stop taking your time…" I kissed him again. 

He kissed me back before pulling away, taking off his pants and boxers.  
I bit my lower lip as I looked at him. I honestly didn't think I'd see Chanwoo like this before. Everyone is always teasing him and calling him a kid, and I also thought of him as a kid before. But after knowing him for so many months… I learned to know he can be more mature.

I hummed softly, moving my hands over his chest as I looked at him, leaning a bit forward to a kiss. He kissed me deeply, cupping my face in his hands. I couldn't help but smile against his lips as I kissed him back.   
I had so many hesitations about dating him… But for some reason, right now I felt like I made the right choice. 

"Yunhyeongie…" Chanwoo mumbled after pulling away from the kiss, pressing few soft kisses against my neck instead. "Are you really sure…?" 

"Yeah…" I moved my fingers through his hair, humming softly. "I'm sure…"

He kissed me softly again before taking three of his fingers into his mouth, sucking them. I watched him, moving one of my hands over his arm before gently holding his wrist to stop him.   
Chanwoo gave me a confused look as I brought his hand close to myself and took his fingers into my mouth instead. 

"Fuck…" he hissed, and I simply reached my other hand for him to hold, which he did. 

After a bit he made me stop, raising one of my thighs as he looked at me a bit unsure. "Are you-"

"Chan… Stop asking. I'm sure…" I nodded. He nodded as he took a deep breath. I'm the one that needs to be nervous about it, not him.   
I felt him slowly rubbing my entrance with one finger before carefully pulling it in. It really felt just as uncomfortable as I remember it being. But Chanwoo was trying his best to be as careful as possible, so it wasn't the worst.   
He started pressing kisses against my thigh to distract me, and soon one finger turned into two which turned into three. 

The uncomfortable feeling I had slowly disappeared and it became more bearable than before. I held his free hand as I felt he's moving his fingers a bit faster, reaching deeper than before...   
"Ch-Chan…!" I let out a gasp, holding his hand even tighter. "Fuck…"   
  
Chanwoo kissed me softly, slowly pulling his fingers out before kissing me again. I kissed him back, moving my hands over his back. No one was ever this gentle with me like Chanwoo.  
He was treating me like I'm a precious thing that might break on the wrong movement. He always makes sure I'm okay before doing anything, he's being so careful and gentle…   
And since I met him he was nothing but sweet to me.   
Before moving in with Jiwon, I never thought I'd meet a guy like Chanwoo. Someone who'd treat me the same way I saw Junhoe treating Jinhwan so many times… 

"I'm continuing… Okay…?" Chanwoo said softly. "I'm sorry if it'd feel a bit uncomfortable…." 

I chuckled softly as I looked at him. "It's cute how you treat it like it's my first time." I smiled.

"Well… I just want to make sure you're comfortable with that…" He said, slowly moving his hands over my thighs, gently massaging them. "First time or not… It's your first time with me… And I want to know you're feeling good…" 

I hummed. "Don't worry, you're doing an amazing job so far…" 

Chanwoo chuckled before kissing me. I think I could feel my lips becoming red and swollen from all the times he kissed me so far.   
He soon pulled away, and I watched him as he spit on his hand, stroking himself a bit before raising my leg again. I helped him by raising my hips a bit, closing my eyes as he slowly pulled in. 

"Fuck…"

"Are you okay Yunhyeongie…?"

I nodded, slightly opening my eyes to look at him. "Stop worrying…" I smiled softly, reaching my hand to him again. "I'm perfectly fine…"   
How can I not be when I have Chanwoo with me? 

He took my hand in his, pressing soft kisses against it before holding it tightly. I let out a soft moan as he started to move slowly, closing my eyes again.   
Chanwoo let me get used to the feeling before thrusting a bit faster, using his free hand to hold my waist. It felt good…  
A bit uncomfortable at first, but Chanwoo really was making me feel so good now… He's simply amazing.   
  


"Chan…!" I gasped as he hit my sweet spot. Fuck… that felt so good…   
  
I held tightly into his hand, moaning in pleasure as he started thrusting faster, hitting the same spot slightly harder with each time. "F-Fuck… Good…! C-Chan…!" I moaned in pleasure.   
He made my mind go blank, I couldn't think of anything but him right now.  
Tomorrow would probably be a bit weird. I'd still have my worries and my hesitations. I'm pretty much sure I'll have doubts about Chanwoo too, although he's being nothing but sweet to me now.   
  
But I still have him.   
He still stayed after I told him everything. He still wants to be with me. So… I think things will be slightly better. 

"Cha-Chan…!" I wrapped my free hand around him, holding tightly into him as I arched my back. Chanwoo started thrusting faster, leaning closer to me to kiss me. 

"Fuck… you're so beautiful…" I heard him whispering in my ear.

I instantly opened my eyes to look at him, feeling my heart is about to burst out of my chest. Chanwoo usually complimented me, saying I look nice, or even cute.   
He's the only one I dated who was nice to me and meant it. And having him say it now…   
  
I held him tightly, asking for a kiss. He gladly kissed me as he thrusted faster and faster inside of me and fuck, I think I was feeling close… 

"C-Chan…" I breathed out his name, trying to tell him that. "Chan… Fuck….!"   
  
I moaned in pleasure, not being able to think properly at all. Chanwoo's touch felt good. He was making me feel so good…   
And I love him so much.   
  


I let out a loud moan as I came, feeling Chanwoo cumming inside. We both panted heavily, trying to catch our breaths.   
I looked at him, he looked exhausted but also… he was looking at me with affection. 

I blushed softly at that. "Chan…?" 

He kissed me softly, stroking my cheek before burying his face in my neck, holding me as close as possible to himself. Chanwoo felt so warm… 

"I'm so lucky to have you…" He mumbled softly. "God… I'm so lucky to have you…" 

"I should be the one saying that…" I gently brushed his hair. 

I felt him pressing soft kisses against my neck as he hummed. "You're amazing Yunhyeongie and I love you so much…"

This idiot will definitely make my heart explode one day. What…   
I was used to Chanwoo mostly saying he likes me. He didn't try to rush my feelings or demand I say I like him or something. But this…   
  


"Idiot…" I mumbled. "But… fuck, I love you too… So so much…"

I felt him holding me tighter as he lifted his head to look at me. "You…" 

"I love you…" I said softly, "and I'm not saying this again…."

"So cruel, Yunhyeongie." Chanwoo pouted. "But…. You really…."

"Yes…really" I nodded. 

He smiled, kissing me deeply. "I'm glad…" 

I kissed him back, holding him close to myself. With no doubt… Chanwoo was amazing. 

  
We lied like this for a bit, holding each other close before Chanwoo decided to change our position and made me lie on top of him, making sure I'm comfortable as he covered me. 

"We'll take a shower in the morning, get some sleep, Yunhyeongie…"

I hummed, closing my eyes as I rested my head on his chest, hearing his heartbeats. With no doubt, it was going no less fast than mine. But the sound of it was so calming…   
I soon found myself falling asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chanwoo's POV**

I groaned as I started to wake up, not opening my eyes yet in the hope I'd get a few more hours of sleep.   
Last night's dream… It was good…   
I don't want to wake up just yet. 

I was about to turn to my other side and hope I'll fall asleep again when I felt something warm next to me.   
A bit confused, I opened my eyes only to see a blonde guy sleeping close to me, resting his head against my chest.  
Hesitantly I brought a hand to brush his hair away, seeing Yunhyeong sleeping peacefully like always.  Last night… Wasn't a dream. 

Yunhyeong, he…   
He said he's scared I'll hurt him too. He said he feels like a burden to me.   
But at the same time, he told me he loves me…  And god, I love him so much. 

We're dating for almost four months, but I've known him for longer than that. I started falling for him before that.  There isn't a thing that I don't like about him, and after hearing what he's been through…   
I want to make sure he always feels loved. I want him to know he can trust me.  I'm not giving up on him.   
  


I smiled as Yunhyeong wrapped his arm around me, humming softly as he got closer to me.   
"Warm…" he mumbled softly. 

I pressed a soft kiss against his head, holding him closer.  I can't believe he's real. I could never believe someone like Yunhyeong would exist.   
I had some students from my class or beneath say they like me, and I went on a few dates, but…  Nobody interested me like Yunhyeong does. 

I'm happy he told me everything.  I'm happy he decided to give me a chance.   
I'm going to make sure Yunhyeong wouldn't regret it. 

"Chan…" Yunhyeong mumbled, slowly starting to wake up. 

I gently brushed his hair, humming. "Morning, Yunhyeongie…" 

"Morning…" 

I looked at him, waiting for him to wake up but it seems like he fell back asleep.  I don't blame him for being tired, last night was...really exhausting.  Going through a breakdown like he did out of nowhere… 

I sighed softly, rubbing his back before pressing another kiss against the top of his head. "I'm here for you… So don't worry too much…" 

"Okay…" Yunhyeong mumbled back.  I guess he isn't asleep just yet. 

"Do you want to take a shower?" 

"Hmm… Soon…"

  
  


Soon turned into an hour of us lying in bed while Yunhyeong used me as his pillow.  I won't be the one to complain about, I actually enjoy seeing that he sleeps so peacefully although all the shit he experienced.   
But after an hour of me not being able to move and losing the feeling in my shoulder and down my arm, I managed to convince him to get up so we could shower and eat breakfast, or lunch in our case. 

I took a shower after Yunhyeong to change and wash my sheets and while I was showering he said he'll prepare something to eat.  And that sounded more than perfect.   


When I was done I walked into the kitchen to see Yunhyeong was still busy with our food, so I gently placed a hand on his waist so he'd know I'm there before wrapping both my arms around him.  "It smells good as always…" I said softly. 

"I'm not even done." He chuckled, humming softly.   
I watched him as he paused to turn around to face me, wrapping his arms around my neck. 

"Chan… I… Thank you. For everything you said to me last night… You're honestly amazing and I… I'll try to do better now." 

I smiled, taking his face in my hands before kissing him. "And here I was sure you're going to tell me you love me…" 

"Chanwoo!" He gave me a look, but with the blush covering his cheeks he wasn't convincing anyone. 

I kissed him again, holding him even closer to myself. "I love you, Yunhyeongie… And I'm here for you…"

* * *

**Epilogue**

**Yunhyeong's POV  
**

I looked around the room at all the boxes which were left to arrange. Is it going to end sometime?  I feel like it's been going on forever.   
I sighed, taking a new box and opening it carefully with a knife to see what's inside. 

"I finished with the kitchen." I heard a voice saying. So I turned to look at him, smiling softly. 

"Nothing broke on the way?" 

"No, but I think we're missing one." 

I hummed, looking around the room again.  I'm pretty sure we packed and brought everything here. Nothing should be missing. 

"We should look through the boxes later. Probably put it in the wrong one." 

"How about a break for now? I'll make us a drink." 

I nodded and watched the dark haired guy walking back to the kitchen before paying my attention back to the box I opened.  There wasn't much there actually. Just a few books we own, old documents I need to go through…

"I found some of the misplaced kitchen stuff!" I called, chuckling as I took out the books, noticing there were also albums inside the box as well. 

"How did it get there?" 

I shrugged, taking the hot chocolate cup which was offered to me before opening one of the albums. 

Photo albums weren't something people really kept anymore. Everything was now digital, even the cameras. What's the use of one if everything can be saved on one small memory card or a CD?   
I didn't have any photo album at all. The older photos were at my parents' place. Besides, with everything I've been through, I really didn't want to keep any memory of that.   
But with all of my failed relationships, there was one who was better than the rest.   
  
I really had a relationship in which I didn't feel like I was being used. I didn't feel like I'm not important or I don't have any value.   
I was finally feeling loved. I was finally treated like my feelings are important and not something to be stepped on.  And this relationship is something I want to remember for a long time.   
  


So I kept a small album with me. I got a polaroid camera and used it when I thought there was a memory I want to keep with me. 

"Remember this?" I smiled, showing the photo to the guy sitting next to me as I took a sip from my cup. 

"How can I forget?" He chuckled, shaking his head. "You wake me up on my birthday and the first thing you do is shove a camera in my face." 

I hummed. "I think there was a kiss involved too." 

"Give me that." He took the album from me, looking through it as I leaned my head on his shoulder. 

"What about it?"

"Our vacation?" I asked. "It was a nightmare. I'm never going anywhere with Jay and June for more than a day." 

He chuckled. "Jiwon and Hanbin were the ones who disappeared." 

"They are big kids. They can take care of themselves. Dong didn't seem to enjoy it much, though." 

"Yeah, because his partner couldn't make it and let him know the last second. He can't tolerate us for that long." 

I smiled, taking another sip from my drink.  A lot has happened in the past four years.   
I changed my job again, Jinhwan too.  Junhoe, Donghyuk, and Chanwoo graduated. Jiwon and Hanbin started their own label and were really successful…

In the past, I wasn't able to deal well with change. But after moving in with Jiwon, I slowly understood change doesn't necessarily have to be something bad.   
Me moving out of my apartment was a good change.  Changing work was a good change.   
Trying to get out of my comfort zone and going out more was a good change.  Dating Chanwoo…   
It was the best change for me.   


"This one." 

I looked at the photo.  It was a simple a photo of our old kitchen table with lit candles and a small box next to a flower bouquet.  But I think that from all the photos, this one was the most special to me. 

"My birthday last year." I nodded, finishing my drink and putting the empty cup on the coffee table. "You did too much." 

"It wasn't even on your actual birthday because we went out with everyone." 

I chuckled, nodding at that. "You said you planned something but Jay showed last minute with everyone and took us out." 

"Yeah." 

I looked at the photo again, feeling the guy next to me taking my hand in his, gently moving his thumb over the promise ring I had on my finger.   
Most of my relationships lasted no longer than two years. It barely ever worked out for me.   
When I moved in with Jiwon, I was so sure I'm done with everything. Dating simply wasn't for me.  I didn't like it. I was scared of being used again. 

Jinhwan always seemed so happy. But two years ago he and Junhoe almost broke up.   
Just then, seeing how much they both were struggling made me remember what he once told me - there's no such thing as a 'perfect relationship'.  Every couple has its struggles. 

Jiwon and Hanbin too.   
When you look at them, you don't really understand how they could possibly end up together.  But once they're just by themselves, you really understand how deep their connection is and how much they care for each other. 

Chanwoo and I…   
We had our struggles too.  He tried to help me and comfort me and be there for me. And I was okay for most of the time.   
But there were times when I had my doubt. There were times when I struggled and kept it to myself. There were times when I didn't believe things he said or promises he made.   
There were times I still saw him as a kid.  And I was so sure I made a terrible mistake when I agreed to go out with him. 

And that was exactly why just a bit after his graduation I broke up with him.   
They always say 'you can't expect anyone to love you if you don't love yourself first'. And I really saw nothing to love in me. I never understood why he would ask me out in the first place.  I never understood why would anyone would be even interested in a broken mess like me. 

Our relationship wasn't fair.  Chanwoo was giving me more than I could've given back in return. I did nothing to try and hold us together.   
I could do nothing when I kept making him worried about me. I could do nothing for him in return for all the help he was offering me.   


Needless to say, it didn't turn out how I expected it to.   
Chanwoo refused my break-up. He refused to let me give up.  He kept taking his time with me. He and Jinhwan kept trying to make me realize my worth.   
It wasn't easy for any of us, and there are still times I have my doubts.  But if there's one thing I don't doubt at all is my relationship with Chanwoo.   
He really is the guy I've been waiting for so long.  This is too good to be true… 

But it happened. I have someone.   
I have Chanwoo. 

I held his hand back tightly, lifting my head to look at him.  "I really love you, Chan…" 

Chanwoo looked at me and smiled, reaching his free hand to brush my hair. "I really love you too, Yunhyeongie…" He said softly, pressing a kiss against my lips.

"I'm glad I could make you happy." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned to put it in two separate parts, but decided to leave it as one long chapter instead,  
> So, the last chapter and Epilogue of this Yunchan ff.  
> Thanks to everyone who took their time to read it, leave kudos or a comment! It really made me happy to see so many enjoying this FF! 😊💕
> 
> Please be careful and watch over yourselves! ❤️️


End file.
